The City Zebra

I've always believed this statement. Within the past few years I even started loving birthdays because I started to believe that no matter what happened the year before, there were better things to come. It was easier to believe this statement before I got diagnosed with cancer but I am still choosing to believe it every day.
This past week has been an especially difficult one. My second cycle of chemo was on Monday and it went much better than my first cycle but I still felt emotionally and spiritually beat down. I felt tired but unable to sleep, anxious but unable to rest; and although I had the best visitors in the world and most wonderful friends surrounding me it was still hard to hold onto the hope that there were good things yet to come. It was especially difficult to try to see anywhere in the future where I might start to feel normal again. I still don't feel normal, and I still don't know if there's any 'fix' for the times when it all just feels like too much. The only thing I've really notice works is to just keep moving forward: I'll run, I'll walk, I'll crawl, I'll claw with my fingernails, I'll hitch a ride... I feel as though there's nothing I can do to fix my piece of junk situation other than walking through it (even when I don't feel like walking through it anymore)
Although my thoughts today seem pessimistic and void of hope I do believe that one day I will look back on this time and realize the things I've learned -- none of which I can share with you now because I'm blinded by my circumstance, but something I can share with you in the future.