Happy 13th Birthday Century!

The New Year is upon us and I am thrilled with the endless possibilities we have to experience in life and expect in God's greatness. Two years ago I wrote and completed my first resolution and since that year I've been inspired to continue setting and pursuing New Year resolutions/goals. Truth be told, it wasn't the first resolution I wrote but it was the first one I completed and although I won't tell you about it on this post I wanted to share with you my resolutions/goals for the upcoming year. 

Before I tell you about my aspirations for he upcoming year I think it's important to note that starting tomorrow our century is officially a teenager! Dear Century, Happy 13th Birthday! And congratulations for everything you've experienced thus far. In the past 13 years I've seen our century experience and overcome the awfulness of the 90's style; the heartbreaking sorrow of 9/11; the confusion of Canada going to war in Afghanistan; the downfall and comeback of Britney Spears; the Da Vinci code; the world's greatest homemaker go to jail (oh Martha); the excitement of the Olympics coming to Vancouver; the Haiti earthquake, and the world's grievous response; the H1N1 virus; the first black president of the United States; the confusing events that lead from "nerdy" to becoming "cool" and eventually leading to the creation of the "hipster"; the death of the king of pop; somehow vampires going from scary to romantic (?); my people getting stuck in a mine for three months; the end of the Harry Potter movies; the Royal Wedding; the many lives lost to the outbreak of Beiber Fever; the Spice Girls reuniting for the London Olympics; and the end of the Christopher Nolan/Christian Bale Batman franchise. That is a long list but a lot happened in the past twelve years! Now as a teenager, I predict our century will have a more developed brain but a possibly stupider outlook on life, a whole lot more drama than what we've seen in the past, a new sense of adventure, the ability to take-on more responsibilities, and maybe even a first love. So, good things are yet to come.  

As for me and my life, there are a few things I hope for the upcoming year. I made two sets of goals, one of the sets is things I would like to change about my life indefinitely and the other set of goals are things I would like to accomplish in this year. So, for the latter set of goals,  I'm okay with letting go of these once the year is over, regardless of whether they were "successful" or not (this depends on how you measure success). 

Life Changing Goals (resolutions):
1. pass all my classes
2. learn to like apples and carrots
3. Write every single day. At least 250 words
4. start exercising again (either by going to the gym, going to classes, or starting up sports again once I'm over my injury)
5. be more fun with my hair
6. wear more dress/blazer combos 

Goals for this Year:
1. Get Mindy Kaling to tweet me.
2. Learn to run again
3. Read "Les Miserables"
4. Do Hot Yoga one time 
5. Go to Disneyland
6. complete Tough Mudder
7. Win camp run
8. Make Shawna like Thai food
9. read "My Life in Heels" before the next staff Christmas party
10. do the scorpion pose in yoga

Now that I've shared these goals/aspirations with you I hope you can keep me accountable and encourage me when I want to give up on them. If you send me your goals/aspirations know that I can do these things for you too! Have a Happy New Year and I hope you feel excited for all the possibilities ahead!

PET Scan Results

Praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord, O my soul!

I will praise the Lord as long as I live;

I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.

Psalm 146:2

So I ended up getting my PET scan results a few weeks early! I actually got my results on Friday but wanted to wait till after Christmas to post anything about it. And the results are... drum roll... inconclusive. Quite anti-climactic. There's still a small mass in my chest that's smaller than 2cm in diameter but it's inconclusive as to whether the mass is made up of fully scar tissue or if there are any cancerous cells left in there. So, I have to wait for six weeks and then proceed with a second PET scan to see if I need more treatment or if I will officially be done. 

This news has been more frustrating than disappointing or upsetting and after a few days of wondering why frustration has been the main feeling I finally figured it out. I believe that if the results had come back positive for cancer I could get treatment over the next six weeks. Also, if the results had come back negative for cancer I could start to make plans for work and school over the next six weeks. However, because the results were inconclusive I only have the next six weeks of my life free and will potentially be tied up with more treatment after that. 

Honestly, I'm quite frustrated. I want to commit to events for work, I want to start my class up again, I want to help out with Illuminate, I want to be able to start running again! Although I don't ever want to have chemotherapy again and I would prefer not to have radiation, I trust that God has something He's still trying to teach me in the middle of this mess. I still don't think He brought this upon me, but I do believe there's something He's using this for and something He's preparing me for.  
Sometimes I worry about my health and future but so often when praying, reading my Bible, or singing/listening to praise music at the morning or Adore services there is an indefinite sense of peace that fills my heart. During these times it's easy to believe that I will get better and easy to understand that it will happen in God's timing. A lot of other times it's more difficult to hold onto these truths. However, I am choosing to believe God still has a plan for my life. He still has something to teach me, something to show me, and some depth to reveal to me. Something interesting that I'm learning right now is that when we are placed in these unfortunate situations with uncertain outcomes we always have the choice of how to respond. I've made my choice and I'm sticking to it. "I will sing to the Lord as long as I live;  I will sing praise to my God while I have being" (Psalm 104:33).

Merry Christmas 2012

Merry Christmas Eve friends! The Christmas season is upon us and it is beautiful and joyful and good. This morning I wanted to share the Christmas story with all of you because although you may have read it or heard it numerous times there is always something to glean from its richness.

I’m going to start at Luke 2:4 if you would like to read the verses before or continue onto the ones after.

4 And Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the town of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, 5 to be registered with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child. 6 And while they were there, the time came for her to give birth. 7 And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.

I love this part of the story. However, I don’t think it does full justice for the journey Joseph and Mary took. I looked up how long of a distance it is between Nazareth to Bethlehem and it’s approximately 130 kilometers. I can’t imagine traveling that distance in a car while being nine months pregnant let alone doing it by foot and donkey. Kudos to Mary for being such a trooper on that journey because when doctors say women aren’t suppose to travel by air in the first or last trimester I’m sure it has something to do with cabin pressure and harming the baby or causing early pregnancy but I think it also has to do with women being terribly hormonal and they don’t want to risk trapping a crazy lady on a metal object thousands of feet above ground (that happened with the Hulk in “Avengers” and needless to say it did not end well).

Anyways, God obviously chose the right people with Mary and Joseph to carry out that journey and bring forth the Son of God because they made it to Bethlehem. And although the trek was a difficult and humbling beginning for this family, the distance Mary and Joseph traveled doesn’t even begin to compare to the distance God traveled to reach his children. HE CAME TO EARTH AS AN INFANT! How does this story not blow people’s minds? Jesus left his heavenly dwelling to dwell amongst people that would deny, refuse, reject, and ultimately kill Him. He was a gift to the world and from the moment He was born He was rejected by the world. This rejection has got to be the most appalling part of the story for me: “there was no place for them in the inn” (vs.7). The only thing an inn has to offer is room. Literally all they do is have room and make room for people and there was still no room in a place that only sold room. The inn was sold out of space and room! Every year I read this I’m completely dumbfounded with the idea that people didn’t make room for the Son of God and every year the same thing happens – I come to the realization I have been guilty of this as well.

If the definition of an “inn” is literally just making room for people to sleep and stay in, the definition of the human heart should be a spiritual room that makes space for Jesus to dwell in. In the same way the world had no place for Jesus to lay his head, maybe we haven’t been the best at making a place for Jesus to dwell in our hearts and lives. I hope I don’t bring any guilty feelings while saying these things but I also hope to challenge you wherever you may be in your faith. I challenge you to make time and create a place for Jesus during this Christmas season. I encourage you to continue on to create a place for Jesus in your heart and life outside of the Christmas season. I challenge you to come to the Christmas Eve service at Glad Tidings at 7pm tonight (or any other church Christmas Eve service – there’s tons I just don’t know when the other ones are because those aren’t my church), and I challenge you to look at the year ahead and make room for the best Christmas present we get to receive not just as Christmas time but every single day: Jesus! 

There was just too much good stuff in those few verses but here’s the rest of the Christmas story from Luke 2…

8 And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. 9 And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with great fear.10 And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. 12 And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” 13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

14             “Glory to God in the highest,

and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!”

15 When the angels went away from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made known to us.” 16 And they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in a manger. 17 And when they saw it, they made known the saying that had been told them concerning this child. 18 And all who heard it wondered at what the shepherds told them. 19 But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart.20 And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them.

Luke 2:4-20 (ESV)

End of the World Confessions

So the Mayan calendar ends tomorrow and apparently so does the world. I don't personally believe this is true because of any of the following reasons, feel free to pick the one you want: 
Maybe the calendar resets 
Maybe the calendar maker got bored or retired or died
Maybe Europeans came and killed all the calendar makers and took over their land/pyramids
Maybe once you get to the end you're suppose to start going backwards again.
Maybe there was an earthquake and everyone freaked out and sacrificed the calendar maker to the gods

I really have no idea  if any of these even come close to making debatable arguments because I've never looked into them but just incase the world does end tomorrow I wanted to make some confessions.

1. There are a lot of children in our church that haven't grown a lot in the past few years. I don't know if you've ever seen "A Beautiful Mind" but (spoiler alert) the reason why Russel Crowe realizes he's schizophrenic is because there is a little girl in his life who never gets older no matter how much time goes by. Confession: every time I look at these children that haven't grown a lot in the past few years I think of "A Beautiful Mind" and wonder if I'm schizophrenic. Therefore, every time I look at these children I make sure to comment on how cute they are to my friends and if my friends comments back I know that these children are real and I'm not schizophrenic. 

2. Two weeks ago I dropped a makeup brush down my sink and I didn't know what to do so I just flushed water down it for three minutes.

3. One time when I was in grade 4 I went to Science World with  my class and bought stickers in the gift shop and then got home and realized there were two sticker sheets stuck together and I cried because I accidentally shoplifted. 

4. My most difficult bad habit to get over is my road rage. 

5. I like scary movies but stopped watching them two years ago because one of my mentors doesn't like me watching them. So if you asked me to go to a scary movie with you in the past two years and I told you I couldn't go it's not actually because I had homework, family dinner, had already seen it, or was too tired but because I'm trying not to watch scary movies anymore. 

6. 9/10 times I prefer for it to be raining and cold rather than hot and sunny. 

7. Every time I forget an appointment I think I might have early onset Alzheimer's and have a minor freak out in my head.

8. One time I was on the ferries going to Vancouver and someone forgot their weird philosophical religious book in the bathroom so I took out a piece of paper and wrote John 14:6 on it ("Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."), prayed over the paper and the book, and returned it to the lost and found.

9. If I had the option I would rather hit a cat with my car than a racoon or a squirrel (unless it were one of Debbie's cats, if it were Duchess though I'd still pick the racoon or squirrel... sorry Larissa).

10. I like Taylor Swift. I used to hate her but she's grown on me and now I can't help but love her "Red" CD.

Oh my goodness it feels so good to get those off of my chest. I suggest you do this with your friends or family as well. Finish off the world with a sense of freedom, either that or start the new year off fresh!

Vancouver PET/holiday(?)

I didn't get the chance to write a blog on Monday or Tuesday because I actually had to go to Vancouver for a PET scan. I thought about taking my computer with me then decided it would be too much of a hassle so I just ended up taking my tablet and then was too confused by it to try to post a blog on it... technology is just too tough some times! Anyways, my trip to Vancouver was with both of my parents and my lovely friend Debbie and I wanted to share the best parts of it with you. 

First off, I LOVE Vancouver! It's too big a city for me to want to permanently live there but every time I go to that city I feel refreshed and renewed. I know people like to leave the city and civilization to recharge but I'm the complete opposite. If you want me to be at my best just set me up on a 2nd+ floor downtown coffee shop in any big city in the world, on a cold, winter afternoon. Although I didn't get to go to downtown Vancouver during my two-day trip the adventure was still jam packed with a whole bunch of wonderful things. 

Monday:
My parents, Debbie and I caught the 11am ferry to Vancouver where Debbie and I separated from my parents and gabbed -- awesome. Once we arrived to Vancouver we went straight for Regent College (my school). While driving there we almost got T-boned by a giant truck and I couldn't help thinking to myself, "I'm so thankful for all the people who are praying for me today" (if this was you -- thank you). Still, after our almost-accident we arrived safely to Regent and I made Debbie come with me to meet the distance education representative, Michael. We had such a wonderful time talking to Michael and I felt so encouraged by his kind words and genuine heart for distance education students. We then went through the Regent halls trying to find Eugene Peterson or J.I.Packer's doors so I could take pictures with them but Eugene Peterson retired a few years ago and J.I.Packer is on a two year sabbatical so unfortunately no dice. However, I did get a picture with James Houston (the man who began Regent College); and by "get a picture with James Houston" I mean "I got a picture with a portrait of James Houston"... but that still counts right? 

After leaving the school I was on a mission to finish my Christmas shopping, which happens every time I go to the mall in November-December. I dragged Debbie to the mall with me and then continued to drag her into every store I wanted to check out and Lord behold I almost finished my Christmas shopping! 
We were also inspired to buy our second book for our two person reading club. Maybe you've heard of it, it's called "Les Miserables". I think the movie is coming out in... I can't remember exactly but I think it's something like... SIX DAYS AND TOMORROW IT WILL BE FIVE. So, if you'd like to be an honorary member of our reading club feel free to message me and pick up your copy of it asap! Also, don't be intimidated by the book or our club because I'm quite certain we make up the entire spectrum of reading levels with me being the slowest reader you've ever met and Debbie being the fastest. So wherever you may be, you'll fit right in.

At the end of the day Debbie and I retired to the Cancer Agency Lodge while my parents went to a hotel. This was probably the toughest part of the day. The Lodge is lovely, accommodating, and staffed by wonderful people and volunteers. However, it is also occupied by many other cancer patients. All of whom seemed to be 30+ years older than Debbie and myself. There seemed to be an entire life span between the other patients and myself. This has always been a difficulty for me -- going to chemotherapy or oncologist appointments and realizing that everyone around me is almost twice or three times my age. Furthermore, when there are younger people there I don't feel comforted I just feel upset by the fact that they have to go through the same junk I have to go through. It's a bewildering feeling. 

Still, Debbie and I had fun at the Lodge. We ate chocolate, vitamin waters, sandwiches, oranges, and chips (I may have been stress eating a little bit). I then had a freak out, Debbie had a calm-BG-down moment. We looked up youtube videos of people falling. I sang karaoke to her. Then we discovered that her bed had a massage setting so we lay in her bed and had our feet, backs, and heads massaged while Debbie read "Les Mis" to me and I tried my hardest to not regret buying the 1200 page piece of work. Then, finally, came the last sleep before someone would officially know the results of my chemotherapy treatment; not me yet, but someone.

Tuesday:
I had my PET scan at 8:25 in the morning and whoever knows me knows I am not a fan of early mornings. My body just wasn't created for them. If I were still in school I would literally rather stay up until 3am working on an assignment than wake up at 7am to finish it. So it was a little bit of a painful morning to say the least. 
I don't know if any of you have ever had a PET scan but it's pretty anti-climactic. I was nervous for it even though I'd had one before. They start by putting an IV in your arm and injecting you with a radioactive sugar (I'm still waiting on my super powers) then you have to lie down in a reclining chair for 45 mins and relax the best you can so the sugars will be attracted to the tumour cells instead of moving muscles. Once the 45mins are up you lie down on a scan table and the table moves you back and forth through a giant cylinder and takes pictures of your insides (weird, I know). Overall, there is nothing to be nervous about but, in my case, I was nervous before the scan and continued being nervous for the rest of the day as well. 

After the scan I got to have more fun! Debbie and I then went to the Vancouver Aquarium, which is probably awesome in the summer time but was pretty cold in some parts in the winter time -- but still awesome. My favourite part was obviously the the penguins because if you put birds in a place where you only expect to see fish and water mammals then obviously the bird is going to be the best surprise anyone could ever get! Furthermore, my favourite thing that I learnt at the aquarium (which I actually learnt from Debbie) is that the plural of "octopus" can either be "octopi" OR "octopuses". IT HAS TWO PLURAL FORMS! I didn't even know that was grammatically possible. Is that not amazing?! I think it's amazing!

We then finished our trip by going to Ikea, of course, and coming home on the 7pm ferry. A long, tiring, and lovely end to the medical scan disguised as a holiday. Special thanks to my parents for being so accommodating to Debbie and myself and special thanks to my bff Debbie for chaperoning me and making sure I (a) stayed safe, (b) stayed alive, and (c) stayed sane.  

two awesome playlists.

I'm going to a Christmas party mixtape exchange tonight and I'm so excited! However, I'm not super tech savvy so I got my friend to help me out with a playlist. I also made my own playlist too. So here is a gift from me to you: two awesome playlists! Enjoy.

Playlist #1 by: Yemisi!!!
Theme: Deep Blue Sea

Songs:
Something in the Water - Brooke Fraser 
Oceans and Streams - The Black Keys 
What the Water Gave Me - Florence and the Machine
Mirrored Sea - Passion Pit
Sea of Love - Cat Power
Dead Sea - The Lumineers
The Sea is Calling - The Temper Trap
The Ocean - Tegan and Sara 
Down By the Water - The Drums 
Man Under the Sea - Patrick Watson

______________________________________________

Playlist #2 by: Me! 
Theme: Let's breakup 

Songs:
Your Ex-Lover Is Dead - Stars
Littlest Thing - Lily Allen
Wishing Well - The Airborne Toxic Events
Call It What You Want - Foster the People
For No One - The Beatles
Tonight I Have To Leave It - Shout Out Louds
Back In Your Head - Tegan and Sara
The Cave - Mumford and Sons
Carry On - Fun.
I Am Not A Robot - Marina and the Diamonds
Maps - Rogue Wave
Chocolate - Snow Patrol
We Are Never Getting Back Together - Taylor Swift
Love is a Battlefield - Pat Benetar
Love Always Remains - MGMT
Somebody to Love - Queen

the post from the past.

When thinking of something to write today I decided to look at some of my drafts I hadn't posted yet and found this little number:

"I have my potential last treatment on Monday. EEK! Because of this, I've been thinking a lot about the things I want to do in the not-so-distant future. At the same time, one thing I can't help but think about is the possibility of my cancer returning while I'm in remission. This isn't so much a thought as it is a fear; I don't really know what the difference is. I know this is something silly to worry about because it's completely out of my control but no amount of words from friends, family, or even doctors can bring permanent comfort. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate every bit of support and encouragement that everyone gives me and all of it is important to me and keeps me going on a daily basis. However, no amount of words people give me could possibly stick long enough to replace my fears with boldness and my internal strife with peace."

Reading this was honestly difficult to swallow because I felt like I somehow wanted to comfort this girl who was really just me a month ago. I don't know how much good it would have done though because I know how stubborn I can be with people. Still, I found this and wanted to share it with you because you may very well be in a place where you need comfort and peace. Therefore, whatever struggles you're encountering right now, I wanted to pass this verse onto you because I believe it can bring comfort that cannot be found anywhere else here on earth...
It's also a lovely verse to consider during the Christmas season :) 

For to us a child is born,
    to us a son is given,
    and the government will be on his shoulders.
    And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6

Spoiler alert, this verse was prophetic for Jesus. It was preparing the way for his ministry. So whatever you're encountering right now, know that in the middle of the struggle, pain, hurt, and discouragement, He can be your Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace.

Goodbye Guilt

In everything God does He tries to bring us closer to Him. Through the good times and bad He constantly tries to reach out to us, to care for us, and to help us feel loved. Over and over again both the Old and New Testament show how much God cares for us and loves us. Zephaniah 3:17 says, "The Lord [our] God is with [us], he is might to save. He will take great delight in [us], he will quiet [us] with his love, he will rejoice over [us] with singing." Jeremiah 31:3 says "The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness." And 1 John 4:16 says that "we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love." 

However, when we fall short, mess up, or make mistakes sometimes we feel that God will reject us for the shortcomings we have had in our lives. I often talk to people who tell me that they feel as though they can't go to church or pray to God or read their Bible because God probably doesn't want anything to do with them now that they've "made a mistake". Every time I hear these stories my heart breaks for everyone that has ever felt that way -- including myself, I've felt this way many times. If you've ever felt this way before you probably recognize this feeling as guilt. Yet, no matter how badly we screw up, God never intends for us to feel guilt. Our God isn't one of guilt, He's a God of conviction. 

So what's the difference between guilt and conviction? And how do we know how to tell the difference? 

Guilt is not from God. Guilt comes hand in hand shame, disgrace, dishonour, and degradation. Therefore, when we feel guilt, this is not God's attempt to change our behaviours but satan's attempt to push us further away from God. Guilt tries to convince us we are unable to be redeemed from our mistakes and that God no longer loves us because of the mistakes we have made. Both of these are lies. The goal of guilt is to isolate us, cause us to hurt our relationships, and break our trust in God. It tries to pull us away from God and cause us to run away from Him. 

Conviction, contrarily, comes from God. We know that conviction comes from God because in everything God does He is always trying to draw us closer to Him. He loves us immensely and pursues us every moment of our lives. Therefore, when we feel conviction, this is God's attempt to draw us closer to Him. Conviction comes hand in hand with compassion, mercy, grace, and honour. Conviction doesn't condemn us but lifts us up. The goal of conviction is to pull us into community and fully rely on God. It doesn't abandon us but gives us God's hand to hold onto.

Therefore, I urge you to reject the feelings of guilt you may have and cling onto the feelings of conviction you may have. Because while guilt leads to fear, conviction leads to repentance. And while guilt brings rejection, conviction brings redemption. 

It's time for us to start listening to our convictions and say goodbye guilt.

Fellowship of the Unashamed

This is a quote written by an anonymous African Pastor that died as a martyr. I have it glued into the back of my Bible and it has an amazing tendency of inspiring me in the darkest of times. I hope it will do the same for you today. 

I'm part of the Fellowship of the Unashamed. I have Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple of His. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I'm finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, am uplift by prayer, and labor with power.

My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me. And when He comes for His own, He will have no problems recognizing me - my banner will be clear!

Ask for Wisdom.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

James 1:5 

This verse has the potential to be life changing. Let me start by stating that God always knows what's best for us. He knows what we need, what we don't need, what's good for us, and what's not so good for us. He created us, so He knows greatly and deeply exactly what we need.  

Therefore, when we ask Him for a new puppy, a fancier car, a higher income, better grades, or an awesome ability to win camp runs He may not always give it to us. This is not because God doesn't love us but, once again, because He knows what's best for us. Wisdom, however, is something that is always promised to us whenever we ask for it. God knows wisdom is always good for us. And no matter how much wisdom we may have, we can always use more of it. Actually, the more wisdom we have the more we realize how infinitely we need more wisdom. We can never reach our quota of wisdom. We can never overflow with wisdom. We can never get enough wisdom. 

This may seem a little daunting but James 1:5 gives us hope because God "gives [wisdom] generously to ALL without finding fault." God gives us wisdom in the same way He gives us grace -- it's a gift. He doesn't hand out wisdom to the prettiest people or the most eager church goers. He doesn't withhold wisdom depending on a person's crappy day, road rage, angry rant, or mess up from earlier in the week. He doesn't give amounts of wisdom depending on whether people are sitting, lying, standing, or kneeling. 

He gives generously, and does so without finding fault. 

It's a blessing, it's free, and it's a promise.

There's no strings attached, no catch, and no conditions.

And the best part is that all we have to do is ask... so what are you waiting for?

Guest blogger: my sister

Coo. That’s what I call my dear sister, “BG”.  We don’t have much in common.  I had one wisdom tooth; she had four.  In high school, my second home was the ballet studio; hers was the rugby field or the volleyball court (depending on the season).  In university she studied Psych; I studied Econ.  She’s also quite the extrovert; I’m more of an introvert. So sometimes we butt heads – once she even stuck her finger up my nose, but I love her all the same – and not just because she’s my seeeester.

        I think by now everyone’s more or less tired of hearing about the c-word (I know I am), so I’m not going to go on too much about that but I do want to share my side of the story on a couple of notes.  First of all, yes – it’s true, I don’t do well with needles or blood, but I did get pretty good at those subcutaneous injections for Coo when she couldn’t do them for herself!  Yes, I felt wheezy when I’d go into those blood test rooms with her – filled with tubes and needles, and I’d feel my pulse quickening – and not in a good way!  And the worst of it was when I went to that one chemotherapy session and didn’t last there 10 minutes before I fell nauseous and was laid down by the nurses with a wet towel on my forehead.  BUT hear me out.  The truth is, I wanted to be the big, strong, older sister.  Of course I wanted to protect her from the pain and the scariness.  I had held it together for weeks – doing my best to hide from her my fears and my weaknesses.  And it got really hard to be strong and brave around those blood-sucking needles.  So I took my next best option… which was play up the weaknesses so that she could feel strong relative to me.  It also worked in that it made her laugh when she’d previously been teary-eyed, but (according to her) she also got anxious about me and kicked me out of her chemo session telling me to never come back.  That hurt. I mean, give this sista some credit!

I know my Momma did some of this last week, but I also want to give a sincere thanks to all the wonderful, beautiful, warm people who have blessed our home and our lives with their presence over the past six months – BG’s friends and my own, friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends, and… well, you get the idea…  I am truly humbled by how many absolutely outstanding friends my sister has in her life – and I’m grateful too because now they’re in my life too  (in Economics, this effortless attainment of friends via another party is called freeloading). I also want to take a moment to specifically mention my family, whom I feel is underappreciated in this blog.

•        Our Momma is amazing, and were it not for her persistence (which Coo and I used to refer to as paranoia – I guess we can’t get away with that anymore) with the doctors, who knows how much later it may have been before Coo were diagnosed and treated.  Momma has always put our needs above hers, but particularly throughout this journey, she has been the wind, the sail, and the mast.

•        Our Daddy took his work break early and flared in from across the world (literally, Africa) to be here with us for the biopsy results.  I don’t think James Bond himself could’ve made swifter time.  He’s also shaved his head – twice! –  and even encouraged all his coworkers in Africa to shave their heads in support of Coo! What a guy! 

•        And here I had started going into more extended family and all the details about how appreciative I am towards them, but I could be here all night (we have quite a big family), so I’ll just leave it as this:  We have family who have been praying, sending us care packages, checking in, reminding us we’re in their thoughts, making us food, visiting, ensuring Coo has top of the line immunity supplements – and these are family from within the city, across the country, and across the world.

And now about the Coo I love…

When we’re walking or shopping together I like to loop my arm in hers, but it’s usually returned by an “I’m not clingy!” and an unhooking of her arm from mine.  Sometimes I’ll agree to pick her up from church (moving my schedule around to make it work), and when I get there she just says, “I’m getting a ride with <insert one of several girlfriends’ names here>.” Other times I’ll receive derogatory – and uncalled for – pieces of advice from her: “No one wants to buy the cow if you’re giving the milk away for free.” But Coo is an intelligent and wise luminosity.  Her blog writings are

continuous proof of that.  Her passions and interpretations are deep and vivacious, and her advice – the honest type, not the teasing type – is considerate, compassionate, and genuine.

My sister is the type of person who – without thinking twice – will pull over and use the sweater-she’d-just-a-second-ago-been-wearing to pick up a hawk that had just been hit by a car (she then took it to Wild Arc and saved its life).

My sister is the type of person who will make me a mixed CD of uplifting songs and write a heartfelt, encouraging letter, and then send them to me in the mail while I was at a summer dance program in Banff – just because she’d heard I’d had a bad day.

My sister is the type of person who will console me when I’ve made a mistake that’s led to pain, and she won’t judge or condemn me the second (or third) time she’s consoling me for pain that’s the result of the same mistake being repeated.

My sister is the one who can make a single word so funny (“Snuffles?”) that even when we’re fighting it can dissolve the arguments.

My sister is so strong that even through her hardships, she was able to not only support herself, but also be strong for and comfort all those worried hearts around her.

My sister is the one who can laugh in the face of darkness because she knows it has no grasp on her – come to think of it, she’d probably make darkness laugh with her.

My sister is spectacular, and I’m so proud she’s my sister.

Bless you, my darling, and remember you are always in the heart – oh tucked so close there is no chance of escape - of your sister. 

~Katherine Mansfield

The truth about girls & lust.

Lately, in my life, I've had the common theme of talking to both boys and girls who are struggling with relationships. I don't know why I keep having these conversations but they keep coming up. Furthermore, I always hear that "boys struggle with lust more than girls do." For years I've wondered why this statement frustrates me so much and I think I've finally figured out why it bothers me so much: it's a lie. So here I am, bearing my heart and telling the world the truth about girls and lust. Why am I telling our secrets to the world? Because I believe that we have to be honest with boys (in order to help them realize that we too are human) and honest with ourselves (in order to bring healing). So here it is, the truth.

“I had not yet fallen in love, but I was in love with the idea of it… 

To love and to have my love returned was my heart’s desire.” 

-St. Augustine

Augustine is a beautifully honest writer. I especially love this quote of his because he's honest with the fact that he was trying to find a permanent earthly joy by falling in love with someone. As a girl in our society, I can't help but understand how Augustine felt when I read over these words. I have also never been in love but the experiences that have surrounded my life have caused me to believe that fulfillment comes from falling in love with another person. When I was a child I grew up watching Disney movies, which overstate that life’s joy is complete when a normal girl becomes a princess by finding her one true love or prince. When I was a teenager I was bombarded with magazine articles, television shows, and product advertisements that told me that if I wore the right clothes, looked the right way, and submitted the right amount, then the right boys would like me and I would be happy. As a young adult it seems as though the importance of life is in falling in love and getting married rather than any of the other things life has to offer. I am not against marriage or falling in love, however, when I become obsessed with the idea of it I realize that being in love is just another thing I idealize because I don’t have it. I turn to the idea of being in love and being married because it is easier for me to turn my attention to an earthly delusion than to a God who has something more fulfilling, yet more frightening, to attain. Furthermore, the more I focus on my ideas of being in love the less appealing God’s love seems, not because his love becomes any less appealing in reality, or even comparable to human love, but because the further I pull away from his perfect love the more mistaken my idea of it becomes. It’s not because God’s love becomes different that we begin to crave the things of the earth but because we have fooled ourselves into believing this world has something gratifying to offer us rather than realizing the truth that only God himself can complete whole-ness within us.

Now for some further truths about girls. I believe girls are too often accredited with being less tempted by lust than boys. I don’t mean to criticize males or females, I merely believe that females have different motives for pursuing relationships than males do. While males struggle with a physical lust, women struggle with an emotional lust. We fixate on the idea of being affectionately understood. Boys and girls, therefore, are not far off from each other. Yet, boys are often seen as lust-filled boys while girls get away with their lust because it’s just consistent of feelings and therefore doesn’t have any tangible evidence. Regardless of how it is argued, it remains difficult to overcome the truth that the majority of us have struggled with lustful delusions and love idealizations, giving us the belief that all we need is to be in love. I don’t think boys are more lustful than girls or vice-versa, it’s just a different kind of lust.

Girls, we have to help our brothers out. We're told time and time again that we shouldn't exploit or show off our bodies to the world because it's hard for boys to look at girls and not objectify them. I obviously don't understand how this works because I'm not a boy but I trust that they're being honest about it so let's think twice about our outfits before we walk out the door to strut our stuff. (note: I'm not saying you should wear a parka 24/7 I'm just saying I want to see two cheeks on you, not four). 

Boys, you have to help us out too. If you don't like us and have no intention of ever dating us please stop leading us on. We are emotional beings that idealize everything. If you don't like a girl then stop texting her, calling her for life advice, asking her to coffee, calling her "so awesome" or a "gem" or a "beauty" or any other out-of-your-way compliment. (note: I'm not saying you need to wear a muzzle I'm just saying stop leading us on).  

We don't have to be slaves of either emotional or physical lust. When we accept our weaknesses and rely on God's strength our struggles with lust and love will be changed to a complete reliance on God’s strength. Furthermore, Jesus can redeem us from the things of this world and even free us from them. However, we have to start being able to talk about these things freely. People hardly ever talk about lust and are slow to admit their personal struggles with it, but I honestly believe that many people struggle with physical or emotional lust. However, by bringing light to our weaknesses, relying on God, and helping each other out together we can overcome these struggles and move onto bigger and better things.