PET scan #3: the trip where everything went wrong

The title of this blog is a little bit of a giveaway but in all honesty I didn't notice how wrong everything went on the trip until after I got home so it's not that bad of a story.

Before the trip even started we had gotten a form from my doctor where we could call into a government phone-line and get a travel-assistance code so that we could get the ferry paid for due to my inability to have the PET scan on the island -because their is none on the island. Anyhoo, every time I called last week I would touch-phone in all the information on the form and then every single time I called the recorded operator would say, "Your form could not be processed at this time, if you are travelling today please stay on the line to talk to a representative, otherwise please try again later." Every time this happened I grumbled a little bit after the third day and then hung up and proceeded to "try again later." However, on Sunday when we were leaving I stayed on the line because I was finally "travelling today" and instead of talking to a representative I got another recorded operator message saying, "Our office hours are Monday to Friday, 8am-4:30pm please call back during these times to talk to one of our representatives." That was a frustrating moment.

Then came the time when we finally had to leave for the ferries. I was a little upset because we left at 6pm and I knew I would be missing the baptismal services at Adore that night. We then got to the ferries at around 6:30 (when Adore was starting) and the 7pm ferry was full so we ended up having to wait for the 9pm ferry. This was strike two. I then realized I could have made Adore if we had just planned to take the 9pm ferry in the first place. Strike three.

Regardless of our late start, we finally got to our hotel at 11:15 at night -- which was in the sketchy part of downtown Vancouver to say the least. However, I didn't really mind how sketchy the neighbourhood was because I was so tired I just wanted to go to bed. We got to our room and of course it was directly on top of the karaoke bar that closed at 2am, "That's okay" I thought to myself, "I'm a heavy sleeper, once I fall asleep I doubt it will be able to wake me up." My mother and I then decided we should watch television until we got sleepy so we turned it on and couldn't figure out how to find the TV schedule (we realized the following morning it was printed on laminated piece of paper on the bedside table) so we just decided to watch a channel at random. The show we ended up watching was probably the most haunting thing I've ever seen. I've had my share of scary movies but I don't think I've ever been so freaked out about watching anything in my whole life. The TV show was about young, healthy girls who traveled to parts of South East Asia and randomly got sick one night, went to their hotel rooms, and then died! Some were discovered to be due to pesticides used in the room but others' had results that were never disclosed by the country because they didn't want to scare off tourists. After watching this show I then thought to myself, "Yeah, I'm not sleeping tonight..." which I didn't.

The next day ended up being a little bit better. I woke up, got dressed, and realized I didn't bring my cardigan with me. The only real thing that ended up going wrong on Monday was that my PET scan was suppose to be at 1:15 but the technicians were running late so I actually ended up getting into my scan at 2:15 and got out at around 3:15. This doesn't seem like a big deal but because it ran late I didn't have enough time to make it to the 5pm ferry in time to make it for the Adore team night that was happening that night. So, apart from missing Adore, I ended up missing team night too.

So, there you have it. My trip where almost everything went wrong. On the plus side when I forgot my cardigan I then went to H&M and bought myself a new cardigan which I really enjoy. So, overall it was a pretty good trip.

Paulo Coelho

How true is that! I know I've had times in my life when it seemed as though nothing was happening and I was just waiting to be called to something huge or asked to do something great and of course nothing continued to happen. Eventually I slowly began getting involved in small things that later evolved into bigger things but there have been seasons in my life where I felt like nothing was really happening and like life was moving slowly.

Then there have been the times when everything happens all at once. I remember in February of 2011 I signed up my to organize and write up blurbs on the breakout sessions for our girl's conference, Illuminate. I was still in school at the time and I remember working on a small assignment, a large paper, and having to study for a midterm while also trying to figure out the breakout session speakers and their topics. All of that was doable but three days before my paper was due and the day before I needed to give Laura the write-ups my computer crashed. Talk about everything happening at once. Needless to say I cried at the computer help desk so they would fix it for me right away (instead of making me wait till the end of the weekend) and everything worked out in the end but I definitely felt like my will was tested in those few days and short moments.

Masterpiece.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”

Psalm 139:13-14

There's a beauty in the knowledge that God knit each of us together before we were born or even took our first breath. Our mothers didn't have any say in what we would physically look like before we were born but it's pretty incredible to realize that God did. God knew what He was putting into us while we were developing in our mother's tummy and He knew what He was leaving out. He also purposefully planned things to shape us into and to not shape us into. And although there is an average for what a person can be in shape, size, height, weight, intelligence, skin colour, and physical ability God doesn’t see people as above, below, or even at the average. I believe God sees everyone of His children as perfect works of art. As beautiful masterpieces.

Genesis talks about how God created the heavens and earth, light, plants and vegetation, animals, and finally mankind (Genesis 1). God saw all that He made and stepped back and stated that all of it was good (Genesis 1:31). The author of Psalm 139 then goes on to reiterate this by telling God that all of His works are indeed “wonderful” (vs.14). Although you may have never thought about it or considered it before when we look at the world around us and see the storms, the sunsets, the trees and ocean, the mountainside and the cute fuzzy animals that fill our world and our hearts we often find ourselves amazed at the beautiful landscape that we’ve been placed in (I think every person has experienced this regardless of their belief in God).

However, even though we're told that God’s works are wonderful we still look at the ocean and call it fat, look at the mountains and tell them they’re too tall to wear heels, and look at the aurora borealis and tell them that they need to go work on their tan. Wait a second… no... that’s not right… we would never do that… because that would be ridiculous! In the same breath, if we would never do that with all of God’s other creations, that are good and wonderfully made, then why do we continue to do this with ourselves?

We are fearfully and wonderfully made (how many times should I say it so that it sticks). We are wonderfully made because God created each individual magnificently, superbly, amazingly, and brilliantly. We are fearfully made because God created each of us with deep admiration and reverence in His heart. Regardless of how you may feel about yourself today take a look at the world around you and when you find one thing (no matter how big or how small) that is beautiful know in your heart that when God looks at you He sees you as infinitely more beautiful. You are a gem and a beauty that is independent of what anyone (including yourself) may have ever labeled or believed you to be. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. 

You are a priceless,

cherished,

precious,

valued,

treasured,

irreplaceable

masterpiece. 

Check this out! By Yemisi & Natasha!

Last Saturday was my birthday and all of my friends were so wonderful and showered me with so many gifts (regardless of how much I insisted that their friendship was the best gift I could ever receive -- cheesy I know). However, Yemisi and Natasha are so talented and amazing and made me a beautiful gift that I wanted to share with the entire world! So, here you are world, a spoken word by what I believe to be the next big rapper and next big producer!!



I know amazing!! Also, I'm pretty impressed with myself at this moment because I just figured out how to put a youtube video on my blog... but it's still not as impressive as this video!

Courage

At the beginning of last year I was talking to my lovely friend Laura who inspired me to pray for a single word from God for the year (you can also read about Laura's single word and her life on her blog HERE). While I prayed for a word for a few days finally the word courage came to my heart. Of course I immediately assumed this meant courage for my university ministry, schooling, and youth work. Little did I know there was a journey ahead of me that would require a courage I never believed I had or would need. Yet, sometimes God begins to equip us before we even know what we're being equipped for. 

A little while after receiving the word "courage" I went to morning church, which I hardly ever had time for at that point in my life, and Pastor Ron's sermon was tilted "Courage" (hmmm... interesting). Isn't it funny how God works in our lives in the most mysterious and wonderful ways? I don't remember a lot of what Pastor Ron said that morning, although I know I have the notes on my phone somewhere, but I do remember him saying that "courage isn't the absence of fear but it's acknowledging the fact that you have fears and doing the things that scare you anyway" (paraphrased). I'm even going to go further and make it clear that if we weren't afraid of anything there would be no need for courage. The very definition of courage is doing something you're afraid of; you can't have courage without first having fear.

On another note, fear has always been my biggest downfall in my faith. Some people's biggest downfall is their pride, others their doubt, and yet others their jealousy, bitterness, or anger, and although I fall to all of these traits at some point and time, fear has always disabilitated me in a way that the others don't. It's incredibly ridiculous because sometimes it's the fear is of failure that causes me to pull away from doing something I'm meant to do but other times it's the fear is of success that causes me to shrink down and feel insecure. In reality I think most of our fears come from a warped idea of both failure and success. Failure because when the world tells us we're failures maybe we're exactly where we're meant to be in God's eyes. Success because although we may have the best grade or largest group it's possible that we have no idea how to apply what we've learned to real life or even with a large group it's possible that we haven't touched the lives of any. 

However, uninvited fears of both success and failure followed me everywhere I went last year. They followed me as I spoke for my first time at youth, hosted my first events on the campus, held a crafternoon hub for illuminate, completed my first masters classes, took a group of girls to a conference in Vancouver (with a lot of help from the girls that attended), approached numerous people about Red Frogs, as I went into my surgery for my knee, through all of the pokes and pricks of the tests I had prior to being diagnosed with cancer, into my biopsy surgery, and through six cycles of chemotherapy. Although fear followed me into each and every one of these events over the past year I ended up going through them anyway. Regardless of my fears I somehow got through each and every one of these events.

I was also forced to face the biggest fear of my life this past year and am still forced to continue facing it. It's unfortunate that I have no other option but to face it but it's also interesting that I have no other option but to have courage just by having to face it. As awful as this situation is, it has helped me to realize that sometimes courage means just getting through the day, sometimes it means just showing up, sometimes it means allowing yourself to rest, and sometimes it means allowing God to light a fire in your heart that is impossible to be ignored and unlikely to be put out.

Therefore, if there is anything I learnt about courage in this past year, it is that sometimes, with prayer, God will remove the fears from our lives and sometimes, even with lots and lots of prayer, He won't.  Yet, I don't want to disqualify myself from anything in this world or the next because I am afraid of success or because I'm afraid of failure. I don't think God intends for us to have fear ("God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline" 2 Timothy 1:7) but because we live in a fallen world I think there are a lot of things that we must bear that we were never meant to experience. 

Just like faith isn't the absence of doubt, 

love isn't the absence of heartbreak,

and joy isn't the absence of sorrow; 

courage isn't the absence of fear.

I don't have to be fearless, I just have to be courageous. 

And if you need to feel encouraged towards being courageous wherever you are today...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you notto be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

quote by Marianne Williamson

"Do not be afraid" (Genesis 43:23, 46:3; Deuteronomy 1:29; Joshua 10:25, 11:6; Judges 4:18; 1 Samuel 4:20, 12:20; 22:23, 28:13; 2 Kings 1:15, 6:16, 19:6, 25:24; 1 Chronicles 28:20; 2 Chronicles 20:15, 20:17; Nehemiah 4:14; Proverbs 3:25; Isaiah 37:6; Jeremiah 1:8, 10:5, 40:9; Matthew 28:5, 28:10; Mark 6:50; Luke 1:13, 1:30, 5:10; John 6:20, 14:27; Acts 18:9, 27:24)

"Fear not" (Genesis 15:1, 21:17, 26:24; Exodus 14:13; 1 Chronicles 22:13; Isaiah 35:4, 40:9, 41:1, 41:10, 41:13, 41:14 43:1, 43:5, 44:2, 44:8, 51:7, 54:4; Jeremiah 30:10, 46:27, 46:28; Daniel 10:12, 10:19; Joel 2:21, 2:22; Zephaniah 3:16; Haggai 2:5; Zechariah 8:13, 8:15; Matthew 10:31; Luke 2:10, 12:7, 12:32; John 12:15; Revelation 1:17)

"Do not fear" (Genesis 35:17, 50:19; Exodus 20:20; Numbers 14:9, 21:34; Deuteronomy 1:21, 3:2, 20:3, 31:6, 31:8; Joshua 8:1, 10:8; Judges 6:23; Ruth 3:11; 1 Samuel 23:17; 2 Samuel 9:7, 13:28; 1 Kings 17:13; Isaiah 7:4, 8:12; Jeremiah 42:11; Lamentations 3:57; Matthew 1:20, 10:28; Mark 5:36; Luke 8:50, 12:4; 1 Peter 3:6; Revelation 2:10)

"You [need/will] not be afraid" (Deuteronomy 18:22, 20:1; Proverbs 3:24)

"I shall not be afraid" (Psalm 56:4; 56:11)

"My heart shall not fear" (Psalm 27:3 -- this is one of my favorites)

"Therefore we will not fear" (Psalm 46:2)

"Let not your heart faint, and be not fearful" (Jeremiah 51:46)

"Fear them not" (Ezekiel 3:9)

"Have no fear of them" (Matthew 10:26)

"I shall not be afraid" (Psalm 56:4; 56:11)

"You shall not fear" (Isaiah 54:14)

Birthday Five I'm Still Alive!

It's my birthday and I can barely believe it. I remember sitting in the lobby of the tuberculosis clinic seven months ago waiting to talk to a respitologist. I don't remember the exact date (although I'm certain I could figure it out if I tried) but I remember it was a Thursday. I know it was a Thursday because the week leading up to the Thursday I had an x-ray and blood tests on Monday; an ECG test, more blood tests, and an appointment with my family doctor on Tuesday; an echocardiogram, muga/stress test, and more blood tests on Wednesday; and then a squeezed-in appointment with the respitologist on a Thursday before my CT scan on Friday and before his two-week vacation that started on Sunday. Obviously this was the week where my tumour was discovered, also known as hell week.  

However, the reason why my visit with the respitologist was so significant is because when I sat in his office talking to him, or maybe I should say crying to him, he told me not to worry. He was the first person to tell me that no matter what it was he believed it was treatable and although he didn't believe it was cancerous, he was sure that even if it was, it would be treatable. He then went on to ask me when my birthday was and when I told him it was January 12th he said, "okay well don't worry, you're going to make it to your next birthday!" I laughed and smiled at the time but when he said that to me I didn't really believe him. I wanted to believe him, I just didn't. Yet, here I am, celebrating my next birthday. 

Also, I didn't want to put this next picture at the top of my blog but I can't look at it and not laugh so I hope you enjoy it as much as I do :)

A Life that Glows in Darkness: Part I

Sometimes we don't know what to expect from the situations around us. We'll play scenarios again and again in our heads, maybe even with different outcomes each time. Have you ever gone to a job interview or had a talk with a friend that you didn't want to have? You run over all the possible sequence of events that could occur in your head and prepare answers or sentences for all of the potential scenarios. Yet when the real events  occur, in my life anyway, I have never once predicted the exact scenario nor anticipated the emotions that occurred during the situation. This could possibly be because I haven't been blessed with the gift of prophecy or just because it's a human trait to never fully be able to predict the behaviours and actions of the people around us; or sometimes even ourselves. 

Isaiah 58, however, tells us of all the amazing divine encounters we could experience by putting our pride aside and bringing God's goodness to earth. 

“If you get rid of unfair practices,

    quit blaming victims,
    quit gossiping about other people’s sins,
If you are generous with the hungry
    and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
    your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
    I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
    firm muscles, strong bones.
You’ll be like a well-watered garden,
    a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,    rebuild the foundations from out of your past.
You’ll be known as those who can fix anything,
    restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,
    make the community livable again."

Isaiah 58:9-12 (The Message)

This passage stands out in my mind because it talks about all the things I want in my life. I want a life that will glow in the darkness. I want to always know where to go and I want to live a life that is full. I want firm muscles, strong bones, and considering where my life is right now I want to be someone that can rebuild a foundation from out of my past. I want to take the pieces of life and faith that seem worthless to other people and build something strong and beautiful out of it. I want to be able to fix the things that are old and broken and build the things that seem impossible to create. So how do I get from here to there? How do I reach these aspirations that seem difficult and even impossible?

There are five things in this passage that are recommended to change our relationship with God and ultimately our entire lives. Three of these five things are things that we must stop doing while the other two are things we must begin to do. Because there are five things to look at in this passage I'm only going to talk about the first three recommended changes in  my post today. I will look at the other two at some point next week but I hope you can reflect on these ideas over the weekend! The three things that we must stop doing are (i) allowing unfair practices, or as the NIV calls it allowing the "yoke of oppression;" (ii) blaming, judging, and accusing those who are hurting; and (iii) gossiping. 

Although the fist three things are different requirements they all have one thing in common: they are actions that come at the expense of other people. 

The first one I wanted to talk about is gossip. It doesn't matter how often I feel entitled to tell the world of other people's faults, downfalls, or mess-ups gossip is gossip is gossip. And my definition of gossip is the removal of honour from another person. Furthermore, the secular dictionary defines gossip as "idle talk" so no matter how you put it or how you want to look at it gossip is never seen as a positive thing. It never brings honour and it never builds a person up. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us that we should "encourage one another and build each other up." Therefore, gossip does the exact opposite of what we're told to do. 

Blaming, judging, and accusing, additionally, were never our job to begin with. Usually when we blame people for anything it's because something has gone wrong and we don't want to deal with the situation but would rather just cast blame on someone and hope that they would deal with it or be punished by it. By blaming and accusing people we're not focused on finding a solution but merely drawing attention to the problem. Our job is to seek after God and in doing so find answers and solutions to the problems around us (and often discover that our problems are really nothing worth writing home about anyways). Judging, furthermore, was never meant to be our responsibility but God's, our duty isn't to judge but to forgive, not to blame but to love (Luke 6:37; John 13:34). By blaming, judging, and accusing we're not being forgiving or loving we're just creating more problems. 

Lastly we come to "allowing unfair practices." This responsibility is different from the last two because it assumes that we are not the people that are creating the unfair practices we're merely the people that are allowing them to continue. It doesn't depend on our own actions like the last two but it depends on our ability to stop another person's actions. If we aren't creating social injustice but also aren't stopping it from occurring where does that put us on the "good person scale?" (this isn't a real scale and I hope you don't use this scale to measure how good you are). I don't really know how to explain this without using an example so here is an extreme example to help show what I'm trying to say. 

I go out and buy a new pair of jeans for $200. Let's make them Nudi jeans for the purpose of this story and because those are raw denim they're not suppose to get wet for one plus years. I then decide to go for a stroll in the park in my sweet new swag. While walking through the park I see a child feeding some ducks by the pond and I think to myself, "oh that's cute." A few minutes later I look at the pond and somehow the child has fallen into the water and is now trashing and splashing because he doesn't know how to swim. I look around and no one is there so of course I run and jump into the water and save the drowning child and bring him to safety. I feel pretty good about myself but in reality I would have done anything I could to stop the child from dying in front of me. 

In this story I risked losing my $200 jeans in order to save a child's life. Two-hundred dollars may seem like a lot of money for jeans but what about higher amounts of money, or possibly something more valuable than money like time or friendships? The reason why it's easy to brush off social injustice in our communities is because although we didn't start the problem the solution is always going to cost us something. Yet, I don't think there's a single person that would read this post and argue that they wouldn't jump into the pond to save the child's life. If we're all wanting and able to stop unfair practices, social injustice, and death then why aren't we doing it? In my case I find it daunting to think of all the things in Victoria that need "fixing." Yet, I remind myself that I can't do everything. If you didn't know this yet let me be the one to tell you and free you from daunting thoughts: You can't do everything. None of us can do everything. It's a little upsetting, I know. But I can do something! You can do something too! In fact, we can all do something. And a lot of somethings might one day be everything. 

I know in this verse I've stated and overstated the importance of stopping social injustice however unfair practices can come in many different forms. Think of the person who is unfairly picked on or excluded in your school. Think of the middle schooler that showed up to youth not knowing anyone. Think of the professor that the students make fun of and always choose to skip class on. Think of the dogs that need someone to walk them at the SPCA. Think of your friend who was late for class and didn't have time to stop for a coffee (okay this one is a stretch but it would still be a nice gesture and I've appreciated it almost to the point of tears in the past). These battles may seem so small they don't even seem worth fighting but when we show God obedience in the small things we make ourselves available to the big things. These may seem as though they're nothing but in reality they are always worth something.   

That's what you get for today. Stop gossip, because it removes honour and tears people down instead of building them up. Stop blaming, because it doesn't create a solution it merely draws attention to a problem. And find a way to stop unfair practices because you are wanting and able to do something (not everything, but something). Hope you have a lovely weekend!

fast-friendly guacamole.

Okay let me cut to the chase. There isn't a lot of good tasting food while doing the Daniel fast. However you're fasting, so you're not really suppose to be enjoying yourself with fancy vegan foods anyway! You're suppose to be denying yourself these small luxuries in order to get deeper with God. Still, when I'm really on the verge of quitting the fast, this guacamole recipe is one of the things that gets me through the day and even sometimes causes me to forget that I'm in the middle of a fast. Hopefully it can do something lovely for you in your heart and stomach too.

fast friendly guacamole recipe.

two avocados mushed
half a tomato diced
two green onion sticks chopped
small handful of fresh cilantro chopped finely
a tablespoon of olive oil
juice from one lime
sprinkle of cayenne spice
dash of salt
black pepper (amount dependant on preference)

I like to mush up the avocado then chop everything up and put it all in a bowl with the mushed avocado then mix it up and eat it up. Sorry there's no pictures but I definitely gobbled that up almost instantly. Also, feel free to play with the recipe because I'm personally not a huge fan of oregano but other people also like to add that to it.

Happy fasting!

The Challenge: Day 7

It's day 7 of the fast! We're about 1/3 of the way done and although it's only been 7 days, I've already wanted to quit the fast at least once every day since it began. However, I think if I didn't have those feelings of quitting then I obviously wouldn't be fasting something I cared about giving up. So although those feelings are difficult to overcome they're also encouraging that there is a denial of self with the hope of finding something more worthwhile. 

A few days ago during the fast I accidentally came across a passage in Isaiah that has ripped apart many ideas I may have had about false fasting. 

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice

and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free

and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry

and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter--when you see the naked, to clothe them,

and not turn away from your own flesh and blood? 

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,

and your healing will quickly appear; 

then your righteousness will go before you,

and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

Then you will call and the LORD will answer;

you will cry for help and he will say: Here I am."

Isaiah 58:6-9 (NIV)

Every time I read this passage I'm challenged by it in a new way. It’s a passage about fasting. But it’s not a passage about fasting from food, sleep, or even facebook. It’s a fast from our earthly desires. It’s literally a fast from the self, a denial of the self. When we fast from food, sleep, or facebook we're merely using these clutches as physical representations of the denial of self we're trying to achieve. However, although it is good that we don't have any earthly clutches in our lives, whether they're sweets when we're sad or cyber peer-acceptance when we're insecure, the fasting that we're striving for is an ongoing denial of the self. 

When we learn to love people the way we love ourselves, when we learn to lay down our lives for each other, when we learn to put the needs of others before the needs of ourselves; this is the kind of fasting that we must choose. This fasting is a denial of the self that will "loose the chains of injustice, untie the cords of the yoke, [and] set the oppressed free" (verse 6). This is a kind of fasting that can change our hearts, our lives, and our cities.

I have to remind myself of this reason for fasting on a daily basis during The Challenge. This fast is not about the denial of things to my body but learning about the denial of my body to my soul. C.S. Lewis said, “you don’t have a soul you are a soul, you have a body.” And at this time it may seem as though we're fasting in our bodies, but in reality we're feasting in our souls. As we seek God in this time, as we pray during this time, as we learn to turn to God and depend on Him in this time, we will begin to see him more clearly. We will see His light break forth like the dawn, we will experience His healing and righteousness, and we will hear Him with such a clarity that when we call on Him we will have no doubt that He answers us and says, "Here I am" (verse 8&9). 

The Challenge: Day 3

Two years ago Adore began its annual 21 day fast, also known as "The 21 Day Challenge" or "The Challenge". This is a time when we our church has a corporate fast for 21 days at the beginning of January to prepare interdependently for the year we have ahead of us. By "prepare" I mean not in a physical I-just-ate-my-body-weight-in-chocolate-over-the-month-of-December-and-need-to-recuperate sort of way but in a God-has-things-planned-for-this-year-and-I-want-to-take-part-in-them sort of way. It's less of a physical preparation and more of a spiritual one. On Sunday night Pastor Andy gave a powerful message about what fasting "is" and what fasting "isn't" and here is my re-cap of the message for all my friends who were still out of town at the end of December.

Fasting is not:
1. an attempt at obligating God
2. an attempt at losing weight
3. a hunger strike (this is politically driven)
4. an opportunity to make gourmet vegan food
5. a way to gain self-righteousness
6. just the denial of something (it's always paired with prayer, worship, and service)

Fasting is:
1. a spiritual exercise
2. drawing away from our clutches and turning to God for our comfort
"the response to a sacred moment, serious or grievous, to the desperate need we feel from God" (that last beauty was a direct quote was from Pastor Andy on Sunday night. If you weren't there, bet you're sad you missed it now!)

If you go to Adore and haven't started The Challenge yet I want to tell you that it's not too late to start! There are still 18 days left and although God won't love you any more or any less regardless on your participation in the fast I believe it is a good way to start the year. Also, if you're unsure of what may come with the fast I want to encourage you and tell you that I've had both bad and good experiences with fasting. My bad experiences have often been paired up with little prayer and even smaller amounts of seeking God in any way or form. These experiences have caused me to spend most of my days being grumpy and making the people around me grumpy too (bad). My good experiences, however, have been paired up with prayer and intentionally seeking God's face. Not so surprisingly, the good experiences have catapulted my faith into a depth that I've had difficulty reproducing with other experiences and a clarity to see God's face and His callings for the next steps for my life. Regardless of the experiences you may have encountered or fears/worries you may have for fasting keep in mind that fasting is a discipline, meaning it takes practice and patience! When I find myself coming up short, this encouragement helps me as well. 

Happy fasting & till next time.

xx

On the Drive Home.

I just got home from a friend's house and something oddly familiar happened to me on the drive home. I was driving down MacKenzie, which is usually a busy street but was quite empty at this time of night, and a car sped up beside me, cut me off, and continued to speed on ahead of me. I don't really get bothered when people cut me off and then speed away (it's when they cut me off and slow down that really bugs me) so I didn't really think twice about the occurrence. Also, I was singing and listening to music so I was obviously in my own little world. But, a few minutes down the road, I stopped at a red light and you know who was beside me? That's right: Señor Speedracer.

I thought this situation was quite funny because it honestly happens to me all the time.  Drivers who are running late or maybe just have the need for speed will often exceed the speed limit excessively and then end up getting caught at a red light right beside the turtle driver they passed minutes ago. I've been on both ends of this scenario and let me tell you when you're the speedracer it is awkward and embarrassing to be stuck beside a car you cut off two minutes ago and obnoxiously sped away from. However, in this occurrence, I couldn't help but think how funny the situation was because it is such a good metaphor for life.

Frankly, how often does this same scenario happen in life? We try to speed up our plans, try to get to our destination/goal faster, and sometimes even cut off other people thinking we will race ahead of them and be in the lead. However, no matter how much we can control our speed and no matter how many road options we can to take, we can't control the traffic, traffic lights, or other drivers. Furthermore, if we disobey the traffic rules we run the risk of getting into a nasty accident and sometimes not even hurting ourselves but also hurting other people. The signs in our lives, like the ones on the roads, are there for a reason. The signs are there to help us stay safe and be aware of our surroundings, even when we can't see them. The traffic lights are there to help us get to our destination maybe not on our time but at the right time. And the traffic? Well, maybe the traffic is just there to remind us that even though we might be alone in our car, we're not alone on the road. So, take a few minutes to slow down and pay attention to the signs, people, and surroundings around you. Don't worry too much about speeding things up, you'll get to where you're suppose to be, and you'll get there when you're suppose to be there.

The First.

It's the first day of the year! 

Because it's the first of the year I'm reminded of a story in the Bible that occurs in the first book of the Bible with the first sons in the Bible and their first offerings to God. The story is about Cain and Abel, who were two brothers, and while Cain tended to the fields of their family, his brother, Abel, tended to the flocks. One day both brothers gave an offering to God and the following explains the events occurred. 

³ In the course of time Cain brought to the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground, ⁴ and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, ⁵ but for Cain and his offering he had no regard.

Genesis 4:3-5

I've honestly read over this passage tens of times throughout my life and for so long I wondered why God preferred Abel's offering over Cain's. I've also heard many people preach about how God preferred Abel's offering because it was from an animal versus fruit but this conclusion never felt complete to me. When thinking about this piece of text today I came to the conclusion that it's not because the sacrifice was meat versus fruit that God preferred Abel's offering over Cain's but because Abel sacrificed, "the firstborn of his flock" while Cain sacrificed the "____fruit of the ground" (verses 3 & 4, underline added). Although it may seem obvious, when it comes to flocks, the firstborns are the animals that are born prior to their younger siblings. I know this concept seems simple but when we look at Abel's sacrifice in this context, by sacrificing the firstborn, Abel trusted that God would continue to produce more flock. Abel showed God that He wanted to honour Him higher than he did himself or his family and also that he trusted that God would continue to provide animals for their own personal needs. Abel's offering was pleasing to God because it was of the first and it was his very best. Cain's offering, contrarily, was not pleasing to God because it wasn't of his first and, therefore, wasn't his very best.  

So what does for us to sacrifice our first to God? Because most of us don't raise flocks and grow fruits nowadays bringing our first could mean a number of things. In your case, it could be your dreams, time, family, friends, schooling, money, abilities, talents, and so much more. It doesn't just have to be money, which is usually what is assumed to be sacrificed in the New Testament; and it doesn't have to be animals, which is usually what is assumed to be sacrificed in the Old Testament. First is first is first is first. You know what your first is, and if you don't, ask God, because He for sure knows what your first is.  

Therefore, let us let go of every second-prize offering we've sacrificed to God in the years before. 
Let us reject any fearful thought that is telling us to hold onto our first-fruits for ourselves just until we feel "secure."
Let us stop giving God our leftovers. (I remember one time in high school trying to give my un-touched left to someone that asked me for change on the street and they did not want my leftovers! If my leftovers aren't good enough for a homeless person how could they ever be good enough for God?)
Let us stop all that nonsense and bring God our first.
Let us bring God our first. 

Let us bring God our first. 

Let us bring God our first.