Courage

At the beginning of last year I was talking to my lovely friend Laura who inspired me to pray for a single word from God for the year (you can also read about Laura's single word and her life on her blog HERE). While I prayed for a word for a few days finally the word courage came to my heart. Of course I immediately assumed this meant courage for my university ministry, schooling, and youth work. Little did I know there was a journey ahead of me that would require a courage I never believed I had or would need. Yet, sometimes God begins to equip us before we even know what we're being equipped for. 

A little while after receiving the word "courage" I went to morning church, which I hardly ever had time for at that point in my life, and Pastor Ron's sermon was tilted "Courage" (hmmm... interesting). Isn't it funny how God works in our lives in the most mysterious and wonderful ways? I don't remember a lot of what Pastor Ron said that morning, although I know I have the notes on my phone somewhere, but I do remember him saying that "courage isn't the absence of fear but it's acknowledging the fact that you have fears and doing the things that scare you anyway" (paraphrased). I'm even going to go further and make it clear that if we weren't afraid of anything there would be no need for courage. The very definition of courage is doing something you're afraid of; you can't have courage without first having fear.

On another note, fear has always been my biggest downfall in my faith. Some people's biggest downfall is their pride, others their doubt, and yet others their jealousy, bitterness, or anger, and although I fall to all of these traits at some point and time, fear has always disabilitated me in a way that the others don't. It's incredibly ridiculous because sometimes it's the fear is of failure that causes me to pull away from doing something I'm meant to do but other times it's the fear is of success that causes me to shrink down and feel insecure. In reality I think most of our fears come from a warped idea of both failure and success. Failure because when the world tells us we're failures maybe we're exactly where we're meant to be in God's eyes. Success because although we may have the best grade or largest group it's possible that we have no idea how to apply what we've learned to real life or even with a large group it's possible that we haven't touched the lives of any. 

However, uninvited fears of both success and failure followed me everywhere I went last year. They followed me as I spoke for my first time at youth, hosted my first events on the campus, held a crafternoon hub for illuminate, completed my first masters classes, took a group of girls to a conference in Vancouver (with a lot of help from the girls that attended), approached numerous people about Red Frogs, as I went into my surgery for my knee, through all of the pokes and pricks of the tests I had prior to being diagnosed with cancer, into my biopsy surgery, and through six cycles of chemotherapy. Although fear followed me into each and every one of these events over the past year I ended up going through them anyway. Regardless of my fears I somehow got through each and every one of these events.

I was also forced to face the biggest fear of my life this past year and am still forced to continue facing it. It's unfortunate that I have no other option but to face it but it's also interesting that I have no other option but to have courage just by having to face it. As awful as this situation is, it has helped me to realize that sometimes courage means just getting through the day, sometimes it means just showing up, sometimes it means allowing yourself to rest, and sometimes it means allowing God to light a fire in your heart that is impossible to be ignored and unlikely to be put out.

Therefore, if there is anything I learnt about courage in this past year, it is that sometimes, with prayer, God will remove the fears from our lives and sometimes, even with lots and lots of prayer, He won't.  Yet, I don't want to disqualify myself from anything in this world or the next because I am afraid of success or because I'm afraid of failure. I don't think God intends for us to have fear ("God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline" 2 Timothy 1:7) but because we live in a fallen world I think there are a lot of things that we must bear that we were never meant to experience. 

Just like faith isn't the absence of doubt, 

love isn't the absence of heartbreak,

and joy isn't the absence of sorrow; 

courage isn't the absence of fear.

I don't have to be fearless, I just have to be courageous. 

And if you need to feel encouraged towards being courageous wherever you are today...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you notto be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

quote by Marianne Williamson

"Do not be afraid" (Genesis 43:23, 46:3; Deuteronomy 1:29; Joshua 10:25, 11:6; Judges 4:18; 1 Samuel 4:20, 12:20; 22:23, 28:13; 2 Kings 1:15, 6:16, 19:6, 25:24; 1 Chronicles 28:20; 2 Chronicles 20:15, 20:17; Nehemiah 4:14; Proverbs 3:25; Isaiah 37:6; Jeremiah 1:8, 10:5, 40:9; Matthew 28:5, 28:10; Mark 6:50; Luke 1:13, 1:30, 5:10; John 6:20, 14:27; Acts 18:9, 27:24)

"Fear not" (Genesis 15:1, 21:17, 26:24; Exodus 14:13; 1 Chronicles 22:13; Isaiah 35:4, 40:9, 41:1, 41:10, 41:13, 41:14 43:1, 43:5, 44:2, 44:8, 51:7, 54:4; Jeremiah 30:10, 46:27, 46:28; Daniel 10:12, 10:19; Joel 2:21, 2:22; Zephaniah 3:16; Haggai 2:5; Zechariah 8:13, 8:15; Matthew 10:31; Luke 2:10, 12:7, 12:32; John 12:15; Revelation 1:17)

"Do not fear" (Genesis 35:17, 50:19; Exodus 20:20; Numbers 14:9, 21:34; Deuteronomy 1:21, 3:2, 20:3, 31:6, 31:8; Joshua 8:1, 10:8; Judges 6:23; Ruth 3:11; 1 Samuel 23:17; 2 Samuel 9:7, 13:28; 1 Kings 17:13; Isaiah 7:4, 8:12; Jeremiah 42:11; Lamentations 3:57; Matthew 1:20, 10:28; Mark 5:36; Luke 8:50, 12:4; 1 Peter 3:6; Revelation 2:10)

"You [need/will] not be afraid" (Deuteronomy 18:22, 20:1; Proverbs 3:24)

"I shall not be afraid" (Psalm 56:4; 56:11)

"My heart shall not fear" (Psalm 27:3 -- this is one of my favorites)

"Therefore we will not fear" (Psalm 46:2)

"Let not your heart faint, and be not fearful" (Jeremiah 51:46)

"Fear them not" (Ezekiel 3:9)

"Have no fear of them" (Matthew 10:26)

"I shall not be afraid" (Psalm 56:4; 56:11)

"You shall not fear" (Isaiah 54:14)