my bed.

The other day I was in bed waiting to fall asleep when I started being so incredibly thankful for how wonderful, cozy, and comfy my bed is. "I love my bed," I thought to myself and then instantly thought of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (which if you don't know it from every wedding you've ever been to I've quoted it below)...

⁴ Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶ it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I truly enjoy this passage because it states that love is an action and not a feeling. We can love different things very much without ever having feelings of love towards them. However, this passage is suppose to be a guideline to how we should treat people because it is an example of what true love is. (note: by "true love" I don't mean the Disney version like "true love's first kiss" but the God version because 1 John 4 teaches us that God = Love). Anyhoo, when thinking of this passage a few days ago I realized that I am better at loving my comfy bed than I am at loving people!

I find it difficult to be patient with people who test my patience, yet every time my bed is cold and I jump into it I patiently wait for it to warm-up without complaint. 

I am sometimes unkind to people who push my buttons, yet I would never call my bed names when I walk outside of my room or when talking with friends.

I do not boast to my bed, envy my bed, feel resentful towards my bed, or insist on having my way against my bed because I have no intention of comparing myself to my bed. 

After coming to these realizations I came to the conclusion that I am better at loving most of the inanimate objects in my life (i.e. my computer, my favourite sweater, my lamp, my running shoes, etc.) than I am at loving people! I know it's different circumstances because I got to choose and purchase the majority of the objects in my life: try them on, pick out my favourite colour, and wear them in so they feel just right. But how much more meaningful are people than things? Tom Haverford, from Parks and Recreation, says that "love fades away but things, things are forever." This is an awful but hilarious quote, but it proves my point quite perfectly. Love is what should be forever but if love is an action and my actions towards my inanimate objects are better than the actions I have towards the people around me then although I believe "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, [and] endures all things" (1 Corinthians 13:7) then I'm really just living as though the "things are forever."

Ironically, I am writing this from my bed. 

F(rig)MyLife: Valentine's Day Edition

I asked my girl friends to send in stories of funny boy/Valentine's day events throughout their lives and these lovely stories are the outcome... I've also highlighted my favourite parts of the stories and have found some valuable life-lessons in them. Once again they are anonymous!

Story #1: The good 

So this one time: A boy I liked mucho-lots and I were going on our first date. And it had been a long time coming so we were verver excited. We were all dressed up and set to take a romantic walk through a vineyard. However, by the time we drove out to the vineyard, I had to go to the bathroom REALLY BADLY and I didn't know what to do because there was nowhere to go and NO WAY I was going to bring it up. So I decided not to say anything and we started walking through the vineyard. A little ways into the walk our conversation was very limited and his mind seemed very preoccupied, so I asked what was up. He said, "I am super embarrassed to say this, but I really have to go to the bathroom." Bonus points for standing watch while the other goes pee in a vineyard? YUP. Most romantic date I've ever been on.

Story #2: The bad

It was Valentine's day and I was in grade 12… I had been “dating” this guy for about two or three week. No, “ seeing” this guy, No… Well to be quite frank I didn’t know what he was to me at the time. It was a really new relationship, and that being said, I didn’t think that Valentines Day would be a factor in it. I could not have been more wrong. 

On Valentine's Day about 10 of us decided that an evening BBQ would be the best way to celebrate the day and in true high school fashion- avoid doing homework… The BBQ would be hosted by the guy that I was “seeing”, or “dating”, or “whatever-you-want-to-call-it-ing”. We didn’t attend the same school, so I hadn’t seen him all day, I arrived at his house and he had a huge bouquet of beautiful roses and a purple (lavender scented) teddy bear for me, along with a card. In retrospect the card is my favorite part, on the front it said “To My Girlfriend Who I Love Very Much” Aahhhhhhhh. In the time it took to read a card I went from not having a relationship status to having a boyfriend who would actually put the word L.O.V.E on paper- after 3 weeks. Needless to say I was flattered. And Freaked out. I decided that he must have left it for the last minute and the store must have been all sold out of awkward relationship status free cards so I didn’t over think, it I just embraced the gifts and graciously thanked him. I say “graciously” because I haven’t mentioned yet that given our undetermined relationship I had failed to get him ANYTHING for Valentines. I didn’t even make him a card out of notebook paper. Well our friends soon arrived. I had my arms laden with gifts and quickly excused myself to the bathroom as everyone swapped stories of what they had received that day; just in time to not have to listen to my new “boyfriend” that “loved” me tell them that he had received a large amount of NOTHING. Cringe. Moral of the story: don’t make assumptions. Status or no status, be prepared with 

something you can pull out of your purse if he catches you off guard.

Story #3: The ugly

okay! here is a pitiful (wonderful) story of why boys suck!

Day 1 of my singleness started with a bright and early 8am breakup. There's really no better way to start your day! The next couple of hours are vague, but I do recall a lot of crying, puking, shopping, and chocolate-eating. Days passed and a pattern emerged: cry. puke. pray. sleep. cry. shop. chocolate. repeat. As you study the trend you'll notice that the only food ingested was of the chocolate variety... and there was A LOT of chocolate.

Fast forward to day 3. My first day as "the new me". What better way to jumpstart my new life than with a gym pass, I thought. The future was looking bright as I toddled up the stairs to my first fitness class, empty stomached (minus the chocolate) and light headed (due to the crying). Yet, I figured nothing could get in my way! However, a minute into the class things did get in my way: the TRX contraptions hanging from the ceiling, the boys on the volleyball court, the girls in the hallway, and the door to the washroom. All these things got in my way because 30 seconds into our cardio sprint I ran out of the fitness studio to go puke my guts out.

As I lay in the washroom with my arms clinging to the toilet for support, (my TRX instructor awkwardly rubbing my back), puking up all the chocolate inside of me.. I thought to myself, "this is rock bottom... I can never come back to this gym... and this is all HIS fault."

I'm glad to say I've now picked myself up off that dirty bathroom floor; I've regained my dignity at the gym; survived a breakup, a TRX class, and a diet of only chocolate; and I have also now proved once and for all that the term "love sick" is a valid condition but not a fatal one.

Story #4: The alone

Last Valentine's Day I was living in res at UVic and Valentine's day fell on a Saturday and I didn't have any plans so my friend in res told me I should go with her to the mainland because she was going to visit her family and her boyfriend. She assured me that she would only have breakfast with her boyfriend and spend the rest of the day with me so I agreed thinking it would be a fun weekend.
Off we went to Vancouver and when Saturday finally arrived she went out for breakfast with her boyfriend while I stayed at her house with her family and ate breakfast and did some homework. She came home a few hours later with flowers and chocolates that her boyfriend had given her and then informed me she was actually going to spend the rest of the day with him but she came back to drop me off the chocolates (that he had given her). So, I ended up spending Valentine's Day alone in a stranger's house eating chocolates that weren't even meant for me. But if you think about it, I did actually get chocolates indirectly from a boy...

Story #5: The end

And, last but not least, I wanted to share a message my friend sent me when I asked her to contribute to my blog post for today:

Yeah! My only actual Valentine was when I was 6 years old... It was great but who cares. I'm turning 21 & I'm still single and have no Valentine this year. That's my story lol. I think it's sad but hilarious because the fact is guys aren't ready fo dis jelly #boom

So, if you're single and the stories themselves didn't help you feel pumped about Valentine's Day hopefully that message did. If you're single it's not because you're not a super fly fox but because the world just isn't ready "fo [yo] jelly hashtag boom."

one fabulous zebra!

My friend sent me this picture ages ago and I found it in my email today and didn't even remember her sending it to me! I love it because it is one fabulous looking zebra!

On a similar note, people often ask me why I use "zebra" on my twitter, bbm, and blog and although I think the answer is simple people are always confused by it. I will post it today and you can decide for yourself whether you get it or whether you're left more confused.

The name "zebra" comes from the saying, "If you're in Central Park and you hear hoof beats behind you do you think horse? Or zebra?" When most people are asked this question they would answer, "horse," because people spending time in Central Park are more likely to experience horses than zebras.  People don't expect zebras because naturally there are no zebras in Central Park!

When I attribute this saying to my life I think of the horses as being the people who are expected to do well, stand out, or make a difference in life. The horses are the Christina Aguileras, Ryan Goslings, and Wayne Gretzkys of the world. They are naturally talented and because of their difficult and lucky journey they ended up where they are today. They're the girl you sat next to in high school that aced every test and then went on to become doctor, the boy who sang in every talent show with his lovely voice and then became a back-up singer for JLo, and of course the girl who ate everything and was still 6 feet tall and 120lbs so she went on to become a model. Anyways, the horses are the people who become whatever it is society expects them to become. The zebras, conversely, are the people who become something that society never expected them to become. The zebras are the people like Steve Nash, Susan Boyle, and Rebel Wilson. They had a more difficult time getting to where they are but the journey marked unexpected stripes made them a little bit more fabulous.

Therefore, people may not always expect to see great things coming from my direction but when they hear hoof beats behind them and expect to see a horse they will be quite confused when they turn around and see me: a zebra.

#ResolutionTweetMe

It's a rough day boys and girls. As most of you know, one of my biggest New Years Resolutions this year is to have Mindy Kaling (from "The Office" and "Mindy Project") to tweet me. I would say the resolution is not going well. I have tweeted her every single day this year, except for this past Saturday which I somehow missed, and she has yet to acknowledge my existence! Then, this morning I went on twitter and found this...

That's right! Mindy tweeted 11 of her followers over the past hour and guess who was in a meeting so they missed it: if it wasn't already obvious -- me. This is one of the first times I've actually seen Mindy tweet people that aren't her famous friends and I missed it by twenty minutes. I ended up tweeting her anyways just in case saying "@mindykaling Beyonce? You guys would make a killer duet #ResolutionTweetMe". But have yet to hear a reply. Please pray for me. 

Near the End of the Road

If you haven't heard. I am currently no longer in need of treatment. 

AKA cancer-free

AKA in remission

AKA in no-longer need of blood thinners

AKA ready to win the camp run... almost

I was scheduled to have radiation today at 12:40pm and for the past couple of days I had been waiting for my radiation oncologist to call me and confirm whether or not I would need to keep the appointment today. Yesterday I was fed up that I hadn't heard anything back yet so I tried to call my doctor at mid-day to get the results but even though I called and left a message she didn't get back to me before finishing up her work day. At this point I began to wonder whether or not I would actually have to go through with radiation. The doctors had already prepped me for it and even gave me three ity-bity tattoos to mark the places where they would be giving me radiation for twenty days; but I held onto the idea that I still wouldn't need radiation. Really, I had been going through a 'healthy denial' for the past few days, but last night in the middle of the night I woke up in the sort of way where you know that no matter what you do you won't fall asleep for a while. 

In the midst of my insomnia (and because of my New Years Resolution to write 250 words/day) I wrote this:

I still don’t know if I have to go to radiation today or not. It’s 5:45am and I obviously woke up in the middle of the night and am now typing away at my computer. I called my radiation oncologist yesterday to get the results from my PET scan but she never ended up calling me back. As time goes by I am beginning to assume this means I will need radiation but I’m still clinging to a hope that the reason why she hasn’t called back is because no news is good news. I keep jumping back and forth between the ideas that I either won’t need radiation or the possibility that I will need it. It’s all quite confusing and every few minutes I lean towards one more than the other, then a thought will pop into my head and it’s like a see-saw going off in my mind where I will completely change my perspective and be certain I either will or won’t need the treatment.
Regardless of whether I need the treatment or not, I want to find God’s joy in the situation. I want to be at peace with all of it and know that my life is in God’s hands and He has a plan for all of the things of my life. I don’t know how to make sure that I will stay committed to this hope once I find out the results of my scan so I’m going to declare right now that in the midst of confusion and complication I worship God, I praise God, I love God, I trust God, and I’m continually choosing to pick up my cross and follow Him – wherever He may lead me. 

Exactly three hours later my radiation oncologist called me to tell me that the PET scan I had just gotten was exactly the same as the scan before it. I still had a small mass in my chest and it still lit up in the same area (meaning cancerous cells). However, although the cells lit up the  mass didn't get any bigger than the last time I had a PET scan (which would have been a big hint that they were cancerous cells). She then went on to tell me that she consulted with other oncologists and together they decided that I didn't need to have radiation and they believed I was better. They couldn't explain the lit up mass but they were almost certain it wasn't cancerous. She then congratulated me and told me that they were still going to, "keep a close eye" on me just to make sure that nothing changed. I was quite a bit in shock. Hours later I'm still in shock. It still hasn't sunk in that I don't have to identify myself with cancer anymore, that I don't have to take blood-thinners anymore, that I don't have to stay away from antioxidant foods anymore. It all seems surreal and although I'm excited, I'm not sure how long it will take for the reality of it to sink in. 

On a different note, I want to make it clear that I know that my actions last night didn't change the result of my PET scan. However, I don't think it's a coincidence that I didn't find out the results until after I had made my commitment to God clear to myself once again. I think God didn't want me to find out the results until I dealt with the few things I had to deal with; and when I didn't deal with them before I went to bed He forced me to deal with them after I had gone to bed. It's really not worth being stubborn with God -- He is notorious for thwarting our small plans for his great ones. At the time, He still had a work to be done and I believe He will always have a work to be done. 

Finally, I have been waiting to proclaim this verse since August 21st when I first wrote it on my blog. Today is the day when I finally get to write it with an authority and authenticity that I hoped to proclaim it with six months ago.  

"May we shout for joy over your victory 
and lift up our banners in the name of our God. 
May the Lord grant all your requests. 
Now this I know: 
The Lord gives victory to his anointed. 
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary 
with the victorious power of his right hand."
~Psalm 20:5-6 (italics added)