PET Scan Results

Praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord, O my soul!

I will praise the Lord as long as I live;

I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.

Psalm 146:2

So I ended up getting my PET scan results a few weeks early! I actually got my results on Friday but wanted to wait till after Christmas to post anything about it. And the results are... drum roll... inconclusive. Quite anti-climactic. There's still a small mass in my chest that's smaller than 2cm in diameter but it's inconclusive as to whether the mass is made up of fully scar tissue or if there are any cancerous cells left in there. So, I have to wait for six weeks and then proceed with a second PET scan to see if I need more treatment or if I will officially be done. 

This news has been more frustrating than disappointing or upsetting and after a few days of wondering why frustration has been the main feeling I finally figured it out. I believe that if the results had come back positive for cancer I could get treatment over the next six weeks. Also, if the results had come back negative for cancer I could start to make plans for work and school over the next six weeks. However, because the results were inconclusive I only have the next six weeks of my life free and will potentially be tied up with more treatment after that. 

Honestly, I'm quite frustrated. I want to commit to events for work, I want to start my class up again, I want to help out with Illuminate, I want to be able to start running again! Although I don't ever want to have chemotherapy again and I would prefer not to have radiation, I trust that God has something He's still trying to teach me in the middle of this mess. I still don't think He brought this upon me, but I do believe there's something He's using this for and something He's preparing me for.  
Sometimes I worry about my health and future but so often when praying, reading my Bible, or singing/listening to praise music at the morning or Adore services there is an indefinite sense of peace that fills my heart. During these times it's easy to believe that I will get better and easy to understand that it will happen in God's timing. A lot of other times it's more difficult to hold onto these truths. However, I am choosing to believe God still has a plan for my life. He still has something to teach me, something to show me, and some depth to reveal to me. Something interesting that I'm learning right now is that when we are placed in these unfortunate situations with uncertain outcomes we always have the choice of how to respond. I've made my choice and I'm sticking to it. "I will sing to the Lord as long as I live;  I will sing praise to my God while I have being" (Psalm 104:33).