friends :)

"Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ" 
Galatians 6:2

Now that I'm having better days I think it's important for me to talk about the days that were dark and difficult. I honestly don't remember what I physically felt at those moments both before and after chemo, but I remember the thoughts that went through my mind as I lay huddled up on my couch wishing for the day to be over. 

I don't know if you're going through anything in your life right now but if you are, I want to encourage you to reach out to your family, friends, and community for help. The day I got my first x-ray and heard the words "possibly cancer" for the first time I was shocked, confused, and saddened. I never felt angry or betrayed by God in anyway, I just felt sad. After getting home I didn't know who to tell or what to do or how to feel. I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want anyone to worry about me but all I could think about was how it was Monday afternoon and I was suppose to be at staff meeting the next morning. I originally decided I wouldn't tell anyone until Friday because I would have tests all week and I wouldn't know what was even wrong with me until the end of the week. However, after arguing with myself I convinced myself to tell Pastor Andy because I wanted him to know why I wouldn't be able to be at the meeting the next morning -- in actuality I know I really just needed his support. I'm so glad I decided to tell him because the first day (we're still on Monday) he prayed for me, encouraged me, and told Lisa (which broadened my support system even further); the second day he convinced me that we should tell Pastor Evan and Pastor Don, who also told their wives Kendal and Helen (which broadened and encouraged me even more); and the third day Evan convinced me to start telling my friends so they also could be praying for me and encouraging me... which they did and which encouraged me even more! 

I'm quite a stubborn person when it comes to my plans so you can imagine the influence these people have in my life when they thwarted my plans of 0 people knowing till Friday to approximately 15 knowing by Wednesday. Still, they were right. If you're in the middle of a bad situation you don't have a good perspective of that situation. And when you surround yourself with good people those people can be everything for you that you can't be for yourself. When you're scared, they can be brave for you; when you're anxious, they can watch over you; when you lose your voice, they can sing for you; when you feel lost, they can find you; and when you find it impossible to see anything good in the future, they can believe for you.
I now have endless stories of friends who have sung to me over the phone because I didn't have the energy to sing myself; who have sat with me and read for hours just so I wouldn't be alone while I slept; who have made me laugh after I'd been crying for hours; who have bought me bangles and jewelry and scarves to make me feel beautiful when I thought I looked like potato; who have prayed for me when I have felt completely empty of hope, who have called me a mighty warrior when I felt like a tired slug, who have put dreams in my heart and hopes in my future and have exemplified Jesus in their ability to not only carry my burdens and be the light in a very dark tunnel. 

So, if you're going through something difficult, I know everything is telling you to become isolated and either protect yourself or protect the people around you but if it's telling you to protect yourself, you probably have a pride issue and if it's telling you to protect the people around you, you probably have an insecurity issue (this was mine). God created us to be in community with each other and help each other out. So believe me when I testify that it's life is better when it's together :)