feelings & stuff

It's too difficult to concentrate today but on the days I don't write I miss it.

I felt pretty yucky yesterday so I spent a lot of the day doing mindless activities trying to take my mind off of the way I felt. It was quite a change from my first few cycles where my biggest attempt to distract myself was through TV shows and movies. I didn't feel good yesterday but at least I felt like I had accomplished a few small tasks.

Still, because I felt like a pile of garbage yesterday, it was a day stained with doubt. On that note I realized it's easy for me to base my faith on how I feel on a day-to-day basis... or even an hour-to-hour basis. When I'm having a good day (in general) I can default to the idea that my faith is solid, when I'm having a bad day (also in general) I can easily be convinced my faith is dwindling. It takes a lot of convincing for me to remember that my faith is not dependent on how I feel on a certain day. I think this is an especially difficult lesson for girls to learn because we are often run by our emotions. Sorry to dis girls but it's true: we feel sad so we buy new shoes, we feel upset so we eat chocolate, we feel angry so we vent, we feel happy so we go to our rooms and have a one person dance party -- don't deny it, you all know this is true! Our actions are based on our feelings. However, our faith can't be based on our feelings! Sometimes our feelings may be accurate in telling us that we are in a healthy relationship with God and sometimes our convictions may be correct in telling us we need to spend more time with God but our feelings are still bound to our bodies and the earth we live in -- unlike our God.

That's about as much as I can concentrate today. I know it's not a complete thought but hopefully it will be something you can mull over...