Vancouver holiday!

Okay, the title of this blog is deceiving. I'm not going to Vancouver for a holiday I'm going for a PET scan and I leave today (Monday Oct. 22nd) and get the scan early tomorrow morning. However, I'm calling it a holiday because I woke up this morning extremely nervous and am trying to trick myself into thinking it'll be a super fun vacation. Speaking of which, have you ever tried to lie to yourself about something? It makes you feel quite divided against yourself.

After tomorrow my doctors will officially have my results and be able to tell me if my treatment is working or not (this is probably why I'm quite nervous). However, I have hope either way. A couple of weeks ago Pastor Ron, head pastor from my church (Glad Tidings), made me talk to him when I came in to the office to say hello to everyone. I really didn't want to talk to him because I knew I would end up crying but he's my favourite head pastor so I also knew I couldn't pass up an opportunity to talk to someone I look up to and respect dearly. Of course I ended up crying for the majority of our 45 minute conversation but after stumbling through our chitchat and having Pastor Ron pray for me something changed in my heart. Over the next few days hope started creeping into my life again - she's super sneaky like that. Furthermore, a few days after I started feeling hopeful again Adore Conference happened (which I wrote about in a previous blog) and so many of my dreams started creeping into my life again - less sneakily than hope but just as exciting.

The entire month before speaking to Pastor Ron and conference had honestly been a dark one. A lot of the time I felt lonely, even when my wonderful friends would visit me every single day, and more often I felt worthless - being unable to do anything useful for God or anyone else. Although this was a pretty awful time I still would pray to God and ask him for healing and ask him to change the pain I was feeling in my heart but most of the time I just felt the same, the only change that was trying to occur --against my will -- was the numbness that was trying to take over. As I write this I make it seem like I had a really depressing month but in all truthness, it was one of those moments when you don't realize how dark your pit was until someone pulled you out of it.

Coming out of this experience I was reminded of Exodus 17 when Joshua led the Israelites into a battle against the Amaleks while Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up on a mountain to pray. Moses held his hands up to God and while he did so the Israelites would start winning but then when his hands got tired and fell to his sides the Amaleks would start winning. Verse 12 says that "Moses' hands were heavy and grew weary. So... Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side and one on the other side; so his hands were steady until the going down of the sun" (Exodus 17:12 AMP). Moses had been praying the whole time for God to be with them in battle, but it wasn't until Aaron and Hur began praying for Moses that the three of them were able to bring God's glory onto his people. Moses had some pretty amazing friends in his life, thankfully so do I, which caused me to ask the question - what would have happened if Moses had just gone up the mountain by himself? There would have probably been an unfortunate incident for the Israelites that day not because Moses hadn't been watching over them.
We are all fighting a difficult battle - none more important or less important than the other. We all fall short, we all encounter fear, we can all experience joy, and we all sometimes need someone to stand by our side and hold up our hands that grow heavy after a while. So my questions for you today are: what battles do you have in your life that you need someone to lift your hands for you (midterms/exams, friend issues, family issues, emotional issues, illness, loss, grief, sorrow)? And who can you stand by that needs help lifting their hands to win their battles?

It also helps to listen to some encouraging music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IExdrZGQVeI&feature=related