one fabulous zebra!

My friend sent me this picture ages ago and I found it in my email today and didn't even remember her sending it to me! I love it because it is one fabulous looking zebra!

On a similar note, people often ask me why I use "zebra" on my twitter, bbm, and blog and although I think the answer is simple people are always confused by it. I will post it today and you can decide for yourself whether you get it or whether you're left more confused.

The name "zebra" comes from the saying, "If you're in Central Park and you hear hoof beats behind you do you think horse? Or zebra?" When most people are asked this question they would answer, "horse," because people spending time in Central Park are more likely to experience horses than zebras.  People don't expect zebras because naturally there are no zebras in Central Park!

When I attribute this saying to my life I think of the horses as being the people who are expected to do well, stand out, or make a difference in life. The horses are the Christina Aguileras, Ryan Goslings, and Wayne Gretzkys of the world. They are naturally talented and because of their difficult and lucky journey they ended up where they are today. They're the girl you sat next to in high school that aced every test and then went on to become doctor, the boy who sang in every talent show with his lovely voice and then became a back-up singer for JLo, and of course the girl who ate everything and was still 6 feet tall and 120lbs so she went on to become a model. Anyways, the horses are the people who become whatever it is society expects them to become. The zebras, conversely, are the people who become something that society never expected them to become. The zebras are the people like Steve Nash, Susan Boyle, and Rebel Wilson. They had a more difficult time getting to where they are but the journey marked unexpected stripes made them a little bit more fabulous.

Therefore, people may not always expect to see great things coming from my direction but when they hear hoof beats behind them and expect to see a horse they will be quite confused when they turn around and see me: a zebra.

#ResolutionTweetMe

It's a rough day boys and girls. As most of you know, one of my biggest New Years Resolutions this year is to have Mindy Kaling (from "The Office" and "Mindy Project") to tweet me. I would say the resolution is not going well. I have tweeted her every single day this year, except for this past Saturday which I somehow missed, and she has yet to acknowledge my existence! Then, this morning I went on twitter and found this...

That's right! Mindy tweeted 11 of her followers over the past hour and guess who was in a meeting so they missed it: if it wasn't already obvious -- me. This is one of the first times I've actually seen Mindy tweet people that aren't her famous friends and I missed it by twenty minutes. I ended up tweeting her anyways just in case saying "@mindykaling Beyonce? You guys would make a killer duet #ResolutionTweetMe". But have yet to hear a reply. Please pray for me. 

Near the End of the Road

If you haven't heard. I am currently no longer in need of treatment. 

AKA cancer-free

AKA in remission

AKA in no-longer need of blood thinners

AKA ready to win the camp run... almost

I was scheduled to have radiation today at 12:40pm and for the past couple of days I had been waiting for my radiation oncologist to call me and confirm whether or not I would need to keep the appointment today. Yesterday I was fed up that I hadn't heard anything back yet so I tried to call my doctor at mid-day to get the results but even though I called and left a message she didn't get back to me before finishing up her work day. At this point I began to wonder whether or not I would actually have to go through with radiation. The doctors had already prepped me for it and even gave me three ity-bity tattoos to mark the places where they would be giving me radiation for twenty days; but I held onto the idea that I still wouldn't need radiation. Really, I had been going through a 'healthy denial' for the past few days, but last night in the middle of the night I woke up in the sort of way where you know that no matter what you do you won't fall asleep for a while. 

In the midst of my insomnia (and because of my New Years Resolution to write 250 words/day) I wrote this:

I still don’t know if I have to go to radiation today or not. It’s 5:45am and I obviously woke up in the middle of the night and am now typing away at my computer. I called my radiation oncologist yesterday to get the results from my PET scan but she never ended up calling me back. As time goes by I am beginning to assume this means I will need radiation but I’m still clinging to a hope that the reason why she hasn’t called back is because no news is good news. I keep jumping back and forth between the ideas that I either won’t need radiation or the possibility that I will need it. It’s all quite confusing and every few minutes I lean towards one more than the other, then a thought will pop into my head and it’s like a see-saw going off in my mind where I will completely change my perspective and be certain I either will or won’t need the treatment.
Regardless of whether I need the treatment or not, I want to find God’s joy in the situation. I want to be at peace with all of it and know that my life is in God’s hands and He has a plan for all of the things of my life. I don’t know how to make sure that I will stay committed to this hope once I find out the results of my scan so I’m going to declare right now that in the midst of confusion and complication I worship God, I praise God, I love God, I trust God, and I’m continually choosing to pick up my cross and follow Him – wherever He may lead me. 

Exactly three hours later my radiation oncologist called me to tell me that the PET scan I had just gotten was exactly the same as the scan before it. I still had a small mass in my chest and it still lit up in the same area (meaning cancerous cells). However, although the cells lit up the  mass didn't get any bigger than the last time I had a PET scan (which would have been a big hint that they were cancerous cells). She then went on to tell me that she consulted with other oncologists and together they decided that I didn't need to have radiation and they believed I was better. They couldn't explain the lit up mass but they were almost certain it wasn't cancerous. She then congratulated me and told me that they were still going to, "keep a close eye" on me just to make sure that nothing changed. I was quite a bit in shock. Hours later I'm still in shock. It still hasn't sunk in that I don't have to identify myself with cancer anymore, that I don't have to take blood-thinners anymore, that I don't have to stay away from antioxidant foods anymore. It all seems surreal and although I'm excited, I'm not sure how long it will take for the reality of it to sink in. 

On a different note, I want to make it clear that I know that my actions last night didn't change the result of my PET scan. However, I don't think it's a coincidence that I didn't find out the results until after I had made my commitment to God clear to myself once again. I think God didn't want me to find out the results until I dealt with the few things I had to deal with; and when I didn't deal with them before I went to bed He forced me to deal with them after I had gone to bed. It's really not worth being stubborn with God -- He is notorious for thwarting our small plans for his great ones. At the time, He still had a work to be done and I believe He will always have a work to be done. 

Finally, I have been waiting to proclaim this verse since August 21st when I first wrote it on my blog. Today is the day when I finally get to write it with an authority and authenticity that I hoped to proclaim it with six months ago.  

"May we shout for joy over your victory 
and lift up our banners in the name of our God. 
May the Lord grant all your requests. 
Now this I know: 
The Lord gives victory to his anointed. 
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary 
with the victorious power of his right hand."
~Psalm 20:5-6 (italics added)

PET scan #3: the trip where everything went wrong

The title of this blog is a little bit of a giveaway but in all honesty I didn't notice how wrong everything went on the trip until after I got home so it's not that bad of a story.

Before the trip even started we had gotten a form from my doctor where we could call into a government phone-line and get a travel-assistance code so that we could get the ferry paid for due to my inability to have the PET scan on the island -because their is none on the island. Anyhoo, every time I called last week I would touch-phone in all the information on the form and then every single time I called the recorded operator would say, "Your form could not be processed at this time, if you are travelling today please stay on the line to talk to a representative, otherwise please try again later." Every time this happened I grumbled a little bit after the third day and then hung up and proceeded to "try again later." However, on Sunday when we were leaving I stayed on the line because I was finally "travelling today" and instead of talking to a representative I got another recorded operator message saying, "Our office hours are Monday to Friday, 8am-4:30pm please call back during these times to talk to one of our representatives." That was a frustrating moment.

Then came the time when we finally had to leave for the ferries. I was a little upset because we left at 6pm and I knew I would be missing the baptismal services at Adore that night. We then got to the ferries at around 6:30 (when Adore was starting) and the 7pm ferry was full so we ended up having to wait for the 9pm ferry. This was strike two. I then realized I could have made Adore if we had just planned to take the 9pm ferry in the first place. Strike three.

Regardless of our late start, we finally got to our hotel at 11:15 at night -- which was in the sketchy part of downtown Vancouver to say the least. However, I didn't really mind how sketchy the neighbourhood was because I was so tired I just wanted to go to bed. We got to our room and of course it was directly on top of the karaoke bar that closed at 2am, "That's okay" I thought to myself, "I'm a heavy sleeper, once I fall asleep I doubt it will be able to wake me up." My mother and I then decided we should watch television until we got sleepy so we turned it on and couldn't figure out how to find the TV schedule (we realized the following morning it was printed on laminated piece of paper on the bedside table) so we just decided to watch a channel at random. The show we ended up watching was probably the most haunting thing I've ever seen. I've had my share of scary movies but I don't think I've ever been so freaked out about watching anything in my whole life. The TV show was about young, healthy girls who traveled to parts of South East Asia and randomly got sick one night, went to their hotel rooms, and then died! Some were discovered to be due to pesticides used in the room but others' had results that were never disclosed by the country because they didn't want to scare off tourists. After watching this show I then thought to myself, "Yeah, I'm not sleeping tonight..." which I didn't.

The next day ended up being a little bit better. I woke up, got dressed, and realized I didn't bring my cardigan with me. The only real thing that ended up going wrong on Monday was that my PET scan was suppose to be at 1:15 but the technicians were running late so I actually ended up getting into my scan at 2:15 and got out at around 3:15. This doesn't seem like a big deal but because it ran late I didn't have enough time to make it to the 5pm ferry in time to make it for the Adore team night that was happening that night. So, apart from missing Adore, I ended up missing team night too.

So, there you have it. My trip where almost everything went wrong. On the plus side when I forgot my cardigan I then went to H&M and bought myself a new cardigan which I really enjoy. So, overall it was a pretty good trip.

Paulo Coelho

How true is that! I know I've had times in my life when it seemed as though nothing was happening and I was just waiting to be called to something huge or asked to do something great and of course nothing continued to happen. Eventually I slowly began getting involved in small things that later evolved into bigger things but there have been seasons in my life where I felt like nothing was really happening and like life was moving slowly.

Then there have been the times when everything happens all at once. I remember in February of 2011 I signed up my to organize and write up blurbs on the breakout sessions for our girl's conference, Illuminate. I was still in school at the time and I remember working on a small assignment, a large paper, and having to study for a midterm while also trying to figure out the breakout session speakers and their topics. All of that was doable but three days before my paper was due and the day before I needed to give Laura the write-ups my computer crashed. Talk about everything happening at once. Needless to say I cried at the computer help desk so they would fix it for me right away (instead of making me wait till the end of the weekend) and everything worked out in the end but I definitely felt like my will was tested in those few days and short moments.

Masterpiece.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”

Psalm 139:13-14

There's a beauty in the knowledge that God knit each of us together before we were born or even took our first breath. Our mothers didn't have any say in what we would physically look like before we were born but it's pretty incredible to realize that God did. God knew what He was putting into us while we were developing in our mother's tummy and He knew what He was leaving out. He also purposefully planned things to shape us into and to not shape us into. And although there is an average for what a person can be in shape, size, height, weight, intelligence, skin colour, and physical ability God doesn’t see people as above, below, or even at the average. I believe God sees everyone of His children as perfect works of art. As beautiful masterpieces.

Genesis talks about how God created the heavens and earth, light, plants and vegetation, animals, and finally mankind (Genesis 1). God saw all that He made and stepped back and stated that all of it was good (Genesis 1:31). The author of Psalm 139 then goes on to reiterate this by telling God that all of His works are indeed “wonderful” (vs.14). Although you may have never thought about it or considered it before when we look at the world around us and see the storms, the sunsets, the trees and ocean, the mountainside and the cute fuzzy animals that fill our world and our hearts we often find ourselves amazed at the beautiful landscape that we’ve been placed in (I think every person has experienced this regardless of their belief in God).

However, even though we're told that God’s works are wonderful we still look at the ocean and call it fat, look at the mountains and tell them they’re too tall to wear heels, and look at the aurora borealis and tell them that they need to go work on their tan. Wait a second… no... that’s not right… we would never do that… because that would be ridiculous! In the same breath, if we would never do that with all of God’s other creations, that are good and wonderfully made, then why do we continue to do this with ourselves?

We are fearfully and wonderfully made (how many times should I say it so that it sticks). We are wonderfully made because God created each individual magnificently, superbly, amazingly, and brilliantly. We are fearfully made because God created each of us with deep admiration and reverence in His heart. Regardless of how you may feel about yourself today take a look at the world around you and when you find one thing (no matter how big or how small) that is beautiful know in your heart that when God looks at you He sees you as infinitely more beautiful. You are a gem and a beauty that is independent of what anyone (including yourself) may have ever labeled or believed you to be. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. 

You are a priceless,

cherished,

precious,

valued,

treasured,

irreplaceable

masterpiece. 

Check this out! By Yemisi & Natasha!

Last Saturday was my birthday and all of my friends were so wonderful and showered me with so many gifts (regardless of how much I insisted that their friendship was the best gift I could ever receive -- cheesy I know). However, Yemisi and Natasha are so talented and amazing and made me a beautiful gift that I wanted to share with the entire world! So, here you are world, a spoken word by what I believe to be the next big rapper and next big producer!!



I know amazing!! Also, I'm pretty impressed with myself at this moment because I just figured out how to put a youtube video on my blog... but it's still not as impressive as this video!